Everyone has their motives and reasons for moving to Japan. Mine were mostly revolving around challenging myself to step outside of the square and experience what I considered as an extremely distilled culture, isolated for so long from outside influence. For some reason, I had it in the back of my head that I should also find a sexy model with a lot of money and a smooth sports car to drive me around in- but that is not necessarily restricted to Japan.
I guess I found what I wanted, but for a guy who is somewhat not materialistic I wonder why I am attracted to girls with sports cars. I guess it comes from some past experience.
When I was in my late teens my mother had made friends with a really attractive women, who although was younger, got along quite well with her. I guess this woman was in her mid-thirties. She had clearly underwent a few types of cosmetic surgery, the obvious one being breast implants, but I think she must have had something done to her lips also. Her lips were always full and pout, and she painted them with glossy colors. I was always fascinated with them, wondering if they were the result of surgery like her breasts.
She was a very well off women coming from a rich heritage and drove a very nice sporty vehicle. She sometimes came around to our house to hangout with my mother, and as it was my house and we lived in a hot climate, I often walked around without a shirt- not parading (well maybe a little) but I did notice that I often caught her eye as I wondered from my room to the kitchen to get glasses of water.
On my birthday she gave me a golf club bag which I really appreciated because I was into golf at that time and then one day she offered to take me to see a movie with her. She arrived at my house and wanted to change clothes and did so in clear view of me and I saw her slim figure in nothing but underwear and I thought to myself, it's a good thing that no one else is at home and I wonder what my mother would think about all this. But goddamn, she was hot. Should I be looking? Who cares? She doesn't.
Talking with her was easy for me because I felt that I didn't need to carry the conversation and I was never being interviewed with a concession of questions, things just flowed and she talked with me like I was equal in age, life experience and maturity. I felt we could compliment each other easily. Youthful naivety perhaps, but there is a lot to be said about that. She let me drive her car and I enjoyed it. I want to say that this whole thing ended with us having outrageous sex, but it didn't happen. I tried to deny the fact that I had a crush on her, and thinking back, I'm sure she did the same about me. Last I heard she got married to a good looking lawyer.
The point of this is that I noticed a lot of generosity, elegance, grace, beauty and somewhat open sexual values from this rich lady. I felt maturity that I didn't see from the girls of similar age and I saw a total calmness in her sense of self that came from the power of being beautiful rich. Perhaps in me, she unlike most women, didn't bring with her any preconceived notions of who I was and didn't judge me.
Perhaps this is what I am chasing. Not the money, but the character.
Anyway, I met my Yakuza girl and was floored by her beauty. So hot. So crazy rich and so crazy hot. Perfectly smooth tanned skin. The most exotic eyes that could cut through me in a second and make me shudder in weakness. Glorious long wavy hair. Thinking about her pisses me off and I wish I could just stop. She drives me crazy. Her rich girl world was so far from the reality that most people live in. Entering that was simply something that was beyond most Japanese people, let alone poor white foreign people (or perhaps in spite of it). She knew how hot she was but never really let it show as some sort of accomplishment even though she had modeled in one of Japan's major girls collections with her shot ending up on the front page of the newspaper and upon that drove in a car that's value could be sold to buy a small apartment.
Such a cold icy exterior, but inside warmth and fragility. Keeping to herself, isolated from so much of society due to an inability to connect. Who can she talk to? Who does she identify with? Her rich friends? I wonder how much they care. I wanted to hear all of her stories. Listen to everything. Her voice was like an angel and when she spoke to me, when she really spoke and I could see that she wasn't putting anything on, I thought I was gonna die of love.
Is that even possible? I think I got close once or twice.
I always had the suspicion that my girlfriends family was possibly connected to some underground business, but it came a little clearer one day. We were sitting in a family restaurant eating pizza after having the maddest sex marathon and were playing a game called 'shiritori' where each person says a word and the next person has to say a word beginning with the last letter of the last word said. She brought up the word 'irezumi'. I didn't know it so she explained that it was a traditional Japanese tattoo meaning that the wearer of it was usually a mob member. She went on to tell me that her grandfather had one. He had died before she was born and I can't remember what she had said about his death and I didn't want to pry, knowing that she would let me know when she wanted to tell me, but her discretion on the topic told me that there may have been some suspicious circumstances surrounding his death. Many people attended his funeral to pay respect to him. I could see that she had admiration for him and in a lot of ways didn't want to deny her affiliation to the mob. Her mother made her change her number plates on her car because they looked too much like Yakuza plates.Her mother had been brought into the family from somewhere I don't know, but I can only guess that she had more than a few shocking moments and plenty of turning-the-blind-eye moments that only Japanese women can do. One such moment was when her eldest son was a baby and when grandpa was visiting he wanted to grab the attention of the baby. We often shake keys and babies hear the sound and get curious- in grandpa's case there were no keys around so he shook a wad of cash in the baby's face.
I heard a lot of different stories that involved decadence and stupidity. One of her father's friends watched Harry Potter and was inspired to buy a pet owl- couldn't get enough food to keep it alive so it starved to death. Another friend had a pet lynx. Who the fuck keeps a lynx as a pet? Is it legal? For what reason? Her brother got a customized car that took a year to design all the specs and whatnot and when it arrived he parked it in their house garage with the keys left in the ignition. Stolen in the first week.
Her car was nice though. I really enjoyed driving in her car. Especially in the summer with the top down. But it was nothing like the experience of just being with her. Being next to her I could feel electricity. Sometimes in between my workday we would meet and just have coffee and talk. Maybe this seems normal for most people, but for me the idea of just talking with a women -without sex- likens itself to work and unless the girl is fun or unique in some way, I have little interest in doing it for free. Which is pretty fucked up, but what can I do? Get a new job? I agree. Yet when I spoke to her it was different. When she spoke she could just capture me and make me laugh so hard. We felt so into each other and we shared that openly, she sometimes showed her appreciation by buying me gifts. Some of which I liked, others I didn't know what to think. I have a Gucci tie that I have never had the chance to wear.
So much lay hidden between us however. I could sense her watching me, trying to read my mind and me hers.
The thing about about being a foreign guy in Japan, is that we are outsiders. It's impossible to deny it and we get reminded of it daily. Of course I get patronized by people who think I'm a simple barbarian, but I don't realize it or even care about it anymore since I've been here for such a time. But for her she was reminded by that often and it impinged upon her and made her frustrated. I mean, how could she respect someone that is a simple novelty piece? Sure I can break out of that stereotype after time and show some depth to my character, but that doesn't work so well in the 'here and now' when people are making first judgments wondering what the hell I'm doing in their country dating their women whilst they talk past me like I'm a pet that she keeps on her arm.
For some people, the key to making problems like these work themselves out is to get married, that way people will respect your union. I disagree. Problems like my infidelity might only be elevated due to the romance of trying to hold on to her leaving and becoming replaced with the security of the wedding ring. I also wonder if my sex would still be exciting or would I turn into a hot bath? A simply pleasant experience. I never want to be seen as anything less than pure sexuality to my woman. I want to chase her forever and I want her to be chasing me also. This dynamic works so well for wild sex- but I wonder if there are new levels of pleasure out there that source themselves from intimacy from a strong emotional bond. Will I be able to reach this only after marriage I wonder?
She really enjoyed our sex and was always happy with me. In the year and a half we were together we never argued once. No need. Just meet, enjoy talking, have amazing multiple orgasmic sex- she falls limp and/or passes out, lazily get up, we eat. Basic love. We were totally free of imposing our values on each other. But that lead to another problem that we never fixed. She wanted marriage and kids- I wanted the freedom for us to be able to choose another person whenever we wanted, but never choose anyone else because we were the best match. Is this idea too romantic to be realistic?
She had no dreams or aspirations, just be rich and raise kids and eat cake with her friends while drinking tea. Fucking boring. Where is the excitement? Watching movies? Going shopping? I have an idea- why don't we have a threesome? She would be able to pick up any girl if she acted a little less snobby... "Not in Japan." is the reply. Well it would be good if she could find some happiness and satisfaction from her own accomplishments rather than waiting for outside sources to bring her happiness- they might not arrive. Even the satisfaction I get from cooking a delicious meal is something she
wouldn't understand cause she never cooked. Crap, I'm turning this into a gripe... well, I could see it had no future and never acted like there would be.She sensed that and finally made the decision to break-up, sighting the cause being her father telling her to get a husband before she gets too old. She was then 24. Some prehistoric minded people think that marriage after 25 for women is too late. I will never marry a woman younger than 25 (if I ever get married). Women become so much more grounded, interesting and hassle-free after 25. I think she has to sleep around to get a real understanding of men before she finds herself in a lonely world of curiosity and regret at a later age.
We broke up and I started watching gangster movies starring Al Pacino. I also started a blog. I'm over thinking about her now. Done. I don't think I'm entirely done with wanting to date hot rich chicks though. Gold digger? Nah, not for me- I don't want their money anymore.
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*Things are going well with the hot tall nail artist. She is awesome.
*A really hot tall student asked me out today. About the same age as me I guess. Would love to hit that. It's still in consideration. She is really positive and smells good. She is also pretty sharp in dealing with people. I'm enchanted by this.
*Last week a tall, not so hot chick that I met at a cafe invited me to see a concert with her in another town. Staying together in the hotel after rocking out to live music sounds like a good first date. Too bad I'm going traveling and won't be in the country.
I don't know what is happening with all the tall chicks of late, but I don't complain baby! HAHA
I love life.
