Did the breakup. It was shit. Won't go into too much detail, but she wanted to keep it alive. I felt pissed off at the fact that she is trying to keep me as her BF when she can only commit a small amount of time to me, leaving me agitated and unsatisfied with everything. She tried to make me feel guilty and told me to find some other girls to fuck around with. I got more frustrated but we left on a mostly high note.
I will never see or contact her again. She told me not to. It seems pretty harsh to me. I guess its her way of dealing with it.
Seems like its a good time to start fresh.
Sunday 27 February 2011
Saturday 26 February 2011
ipods are cool
cause you can walk around the streets of Japan listening to radiohead as if it were the music soundtrack that everyone can hear, sharing your misery.
Things I'm gonna do tonight
Stay at home
drink beer
play guitar
net surf
eat peanuts
play final fantasy 7
possibly blog
pass out
drink beer
play guitar
net surf
eat peanuts
play final fantasy 7
possibly blog
pass out
I'm sick of being a motherfucker
My GF is a young single mother. I fuck her. That makes me a motherfucker.
I can't really hide from this fact anymore. I try to hide from it because I know that when I realize it completely, the realness might freak me out. I think of myself as still young. I think I'm too irresponsible and carefree to be actually doing something like having sex with someone's mother. I don't want to face it. I'm not yet ready.
I look at my GF and I see youth, beauty and happiness. If I see her pushing a baby around, will my views of her change?
I don't think this is really the issue anyway.
We had serious talks. She brought the topics up. Topics about why I haven't met her baby yet. About why I declined the offer to go to her family's house for her sister's birthday. About why it is that if she meets a girlfriend of one of my friends and has coffee with them she will inevitably take her child with her and those new friends will meet the baby. But I never do.
I like hanging with her friends and she likes hanging with mine, I especially like the way she can just float around and talk to other people without me having to babysit her because 'she doesn't know anyone'. It's just, when and if I get to hanging out with her family, I'm going to see myself in a situation that I really don't want to be in. A situation called; creating ties with people who I'm going to have to break ties with eventually, causing more pain. On top of that, I don't need her family creating expectations of how I should behave or act judging me around it. Because I know they will....."If he TRULY loved you he would....xyz."
If I truly did love her I would rearrange my life to revolve around her situation. It feels I've done enough thus far.
I often think about how awesome it would be to spend my Saturday night with her and I drinking and hanging out with friends, going home and having awesome sex, sleeping in each others arms, waking up to more sex, going out and doing something fun, then have more sex. Wouldn't that be great? Isn't that what most couples do? I can't do that because she has to be a mother of her child. She can't stay over...
So if sleep overs can't happen, lets just meet during the daytime. We meet in the afternoon, have lunch and then fuck until the evening when you have to go home. Its fine.
But we only eat and have sex. It lasts never long enough. Its always saying goodbye after a short amount of time and these days you seem to be getting more and more jealous of invisible people, making accusations. It only drives me to want to do these things so I can justify the claims. If I'm not fucking other girls I may as well be since you think I am anyway. Damn! Give the topic a break and let us just enjoy our time together.
Our situation is fine, fine for a sex friends relationship, but if I'm to be exclusive and deal with your baggage, I need more time doing fun stuff with you and more time meeting up during the week. We can do fun stuff, but since you need to take care of your kid we have to take him along. I don't doubt he is a wonderful and cute child, I always like listening to the stories you tell me about him and as strange as it seems, as I get older I begin to like kids more and more for the bright energy they have. Its just, if we take him along, how can we have intimate time alone? We can't. And if we can't have that, I'm just a guy hanging around being your friend while you accuse me of fucking around.
Back when I predicted this situation would occur I tried to cut it off. You changed your tactic and decided that we would keep things light and casual. No pressure, just hang out and have fun. No expectations on the things I should be doing or saying. "Lets just take it slow and easy." But that always has its limits. Things should progress forward. If there is to be a future. If I truly am serious. If I do really care.
I do care. I do. As insensitive and carefree as I may seem, I still care so much....
But not enough to pick up the slack that your ex- husband left behind.
I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to deal with your disappointment in me for not fulfilling the role that you dreamed I would. I told you this from the start. I broke up with you because I knew that if we didn't do it back then it would end up like this.
Here we are, here it is. Me saying the things I have been trying to say but couldn't through denial, emotion and lack of language ability. Everything I couldn't say- to a blog.
From here I just do the Japanese break up move and break up with you in my heart and say nothing. Just ignore and don't call. Then when you get the picture I ask to meet you for lunch and ask if you can bring that CD I lent you. Then I explain my point of view, and you cry. In a cafe. People watch. People watch and comment. You blame me and call me an asshole. You say that I tricked you. We went through this before.
I don't want to do this, not again.
But it has to happen.
If we had just met earlier in our lives...
I can't really hide from this fact anymore. I try to hide from it because I know that when I realize it completely, the realness might freak me out. I think of myself as still young. I think I'm too irresponsible and carefree to be actually doing something like having sex with someone's mother. I don't want to face it. I'm not yet ready.
I look at my GF and I see youth, beauty and happiness. If I see her pushing a baby around, will my views of her change?
I don't think this is really the issue anyway.
We had serious talks. She brought the topics up. Topics about why I haven't met her baby yet. About why I declined the offer to go to her family's house for her sister's birthday. About why it is that if she meets a girlfriend of one of my friends and has coffee with them she will inevitably take her child with her and those new friends will meet the baby. But I never do.
I like hanging with her friends and she likes hanging with mine, I especially like the way she can just float around and talk to other people without me having to babysit her because 'she doesn't know anyone'. It's just, when and if I get to hanging out with her family, I'm going to see myself in a situation that I really don't want to be in. A situation called; creating ties with people who I'm going to have to break ties with eventually, causing more pain. On top of that, I don't need her family creating expectations of how I should behave or act judging me around it. Because I know they will....."If he TRULY loved you he would....xyz."
If I truly did love her I would rearrange my life to revolve around her situation. It feels I've done enough thus far.
I often think about how awesome it would be to spend my Saturday night with her and I drinking and hanging out with friends, going home and having awesome sex, sleeping in each others arms, waking up to more sex, going out and doing something fun, then have more sex. Wouldn't that be great? Isn't that what most couples do? I can't do that because she has to be a mother of her child. She can't stay over...
So if sleep overs can't happen, lets just meet during the daytime. We meet in the afternoon, have lunch and then fuck until the evening when you have to go home. Its fine.
But we only eat and have sex. It lasts never long enough. Its always saying goodbye after a short amount of time and these days you seem to be getting more and more jealous of invisible people, making accusations. It only drives me to want to do these things so I can justify the claims. If I'm not fucking other girls I may as well be since you think I am anyway. Damn! Give the topic a break and let us just enjoy our time together.
Our situation is fine, fine for a sex friends relationship, but if I'm to be exclusive and deal with your baggage, I need more time doing fun stuff with you and more time meeting up during the week. We can do fun stuff, but since you need to take care of your kid we have to take him along. I don't doubt he is a wonderful and cute child, I always like listening to the stories you tell me about him and as strange as it seems, as I get older I begin to like kids more and more for the bright energy they have. Its just, if we take him along, how can we have intimate time alone? We can't. And if we can't have that, I'm just a guy hanging around being your friend while you accuse me of fucking around.
Back when I predicted this situation would occur I tried to cut it off. You changed your tactic and decided that we would keep things light and casual. No pressure, just hang out and have fun. No expectations on the things I should be doing or saying. "Lets just take it slow and easy." But that always has its limits. Things should progress forward. If there is to be a future. If I truly am serious. If I do really care.
I do care. I do. As insensitive and carefree as I may seem, I still care so much....
But not enough to pick up the slack that your ex- husband left behind.
I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to deal with your disappointment in me for not fulfilling the role that you dreamed I would. I told you this from the start. I broke up with you because I knew that if we didn't do it back then it would end up like this.
Here we are, here it is. Me saying the things I have been trying to say but couldn't through denial, emotion and lack of language ability. Everything I couldn't say- to a blog.
From here I just do the Japanese break up move and break up with you in my heart and say nothing. Just ignore and don't call. Then when you get the picture I ask to meet you for lunch and ask if you can bring that CD I lent you. Then I explain my point of view, and you cry. In a cafe. People watch. People watch and comment. You blame me and call me an asshole. You say that I tricked you. We went through this before.
I don't want to do this, not again.
But it has to happen.
If we had just met earlier in our lives...
Saturday 12 February 2011
Got a new guitar!
I like the song above because he says, "Babe you say I'm the only one, but your fucking all my friends." Go Lenny! He's a cool mofo.
*************************************
I haven't been posting so much these days because I spend all my time at home playing my new guitar. Really, I spent too much money on this guitar. I'm pretty broke now but I don't care cause I have all I need. I had a moment the other week where I was playing my dream guitar, looking at my dream hot and cool GF, thinking, "Just save this moment in my memory. Don't let the awesomeness of this moment fade." Then we had hot sex for the next few hours. Man, I gotta get another video of her soon......
Tuesday 1 February 2011
Controlling your orgasm (premature ejaculation)
This is an article I wrote for a mens forum. I know some women read my blog but I think this is one topic that is best left to the men. I recommend women best to skip over this post. Cheers!
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Some guys have an issue with cumming too soon during sex. More often than not, their partner realizes this more than they themselves do. Ignorance is the biggest factor in the issue. I will explain how I have come to understand it more.
First lets try a quick interactive experiment.
In a moment I'm going to tell you to turn your head to the left. You will feel strain and reach your natural limit of rotation and notice a point on the wall. See and remember that point then come back to the screen to keep reading. Try it now. Go.
Now I will give you a new instruction. First you will feel yourself where you are sitting, if you aren't already, pull up your spine and relax into a good posture. Get comfortable and take a breath in and out. Relax. In a moment you will turn your head to the left again. This time you will go much further than last time. Further than your natural limit. You will see the point on the wall from last time and you will extend beyond it. You might be surprised about how much further you can go, but you will stay relaxed and find a new point on the wall. Try it now. Go.
How did you go?
If you did it the way I did it, you might have noticed a big difference.
This is just a demonstration of what your body is capable of achieving when giving it clear instructions on how to perform.
When I realized this, I considered how it might relate to sex (as I often relate pretty much everything to sex) and how I could use it in a good way to make myself and the women who sleep with me enjoy sex more. What I found was two very simple myths;
1. Men cum too quickly during sex.
2. It takes a long time for women to cum, if they cum at all. Many women don't cum regularly during sex.
You can quickly disregard these two ideas as bullshit because they are made by loser dudes who can't control their orgasm and chicks who are laying loser dudes who can't make them cum. You are not a loser dude. You can, will and in every way are able to do what you want in the bed- if you give your body the correct instructions!
Take young Tom for example. He has a hot date with Yuka, she is totally his type. They are actually going to round 3rd base this time and he is sliding for home. Protection is on, they are excited things are moving in a back and forth direction. But alas, young Tom might has concerns that he may cum too soon and not impress. Let's listen to the internal instructions he is giving himself. "OMG shit! This is actually happening! This is great. She is so hot! OMG. I'm gonna cum!" and in that last line lies the prophecy of truth.
All the while Yuka is saying to herself, "Really? He looks like he is gonna cum. I'm not even close yet." Another idea that becomes fact.
In actuality, all they are doing is giving themselves and their bodies commands; "I'm gonna cum (too soon)" and "I'm not even close." By all means, if their brain and body is functioning normally, these commands will be performed. You know this because your neck almost spun a 180 degree spin a few moments ago simply because I told you to! Don't psych yourself into premature ejaculation and understand and respect the body-mind connection!
Here are some commands that I can lend to you for the next time you are in bed that are much more beneficial for you and your partner to enjoy sex more.
"I'm gonna enjoy this but not until she enjoys it first."
"I'm gonna make her cum. Then I'm gonna cum too."
"I'm gonna slay this hot bitch until she screams for mercy."
ad infinitum.
Give the commands you want to perform to your body and your body will perform them.
It really is that simple.
Perhaps you are out of touch with your body and the commands you give it don't seem to be working. Fear not. Walk in baby steps. Get some control, then gain more. After you gain more, gain even more than that. Eventually you will have full control.
Another point is to know your own arousal level. But know it in detail. On a scale of 1-10 with ten being the absolute peak (ejaculation) and 9.9 being the point of no return- then KNOW in intimate detail the difference between 6- a semi hard on, 7-hard on, all the way up to 9.1 and 9.2. What are the differences between them? What about 9.3? If you can differentiate between these levels, you can still really enjoy a high level of sexual pleasure without ejaculation. Then you can take rests and move up and down the scale.
One final tip I read in a Chinese Taoist sex manual was that when the sexual energy 'Qi' is leaving the body in the form of ejaculation, it is possible to hold it in with two methods;
1. Brace the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle hard. It feels like you are finishing taking a leak.
2. Pull out your penis and place a finger on the head of the penis.
Whether you buy into Eastern Taoist beliefs or not, they both seem to work for me, but really should become redundant if you simply know your arousal level and consciously control it by giving solid commands.
Enjoy sex more.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Some guys have an issue with cumming too soon during sex. More often than not, their partner realizes this more than they themselves do. Ignorance is the biggest factor in the issue. I will explain how I have come to understand it more.
First lets try a quick interactive experiment.
In a moment I'm going to tell you to turn your head to the left. You will feel strain and reach your natural limit of rotation and notice a point on the wall. See and remember that point then come back to the screen to keep reading. Try it now. Go.
Now I will give you a new instruction. First you will feel yourself where you are sitting, if you aren't already, pull up your spine and relax into a good posture. Get comfortable and take a breath in and out. Relax. In a moment you will turn your head to the left again. This time you will go much further than last time. Further than your natural limit. You will see the point on the wall from last time and you will extend beyond it. You might be surprised about how much further you can go, but you will stay relaxed and find a new point on the wall. Try it now. Go.
How did you go?
If you did it the way I did it, you might have noticed a big difference.
This is just a demonstration of what your body is capable of achieving when giving it clear instructions on how to perform.
When I realized this, I considered how it might relate to sex (as I often relate pretty much everything to sex) and how I could use it in a good way to make myself and the women who sleep with me enjoy sex more. What I found was two very simple myths;
1. Men cum too quickly during sex.
2. It takes a long time for women to cum, if they cum at all. Many women don't cum regularly during sex.
You can quickly disregard these two ideas as bullshit because they are made by loser dudes who can't control their orgasm and chicks who are laying loser dudes who can't make them cum. You are not a loser dude. You can, will and in every way are able to do what you want in the bed- if you give your body the correct instructions!
Take young Tom for example. He has a hot date with Yuka, she is totally his type. They are actually going to round 3rd base this time and he is sliding for home. Protection is on, they are excited things are moving in a back and forth direction. But alas, young Tom might has concerns that he may cum too soon and not impress. Let's listen to the internal instructions he is giving himself. "OMG shit! This is actually happening! This is great. She is so hot! OMG. I'm gonna cum!" and in that last line lies the prophecy of truth.
All the while Yuka is saying to herself, "Really? He looks like he is gonna cum. I'm not even close yet." Another idea that becomes fact.
In actuality, all they are doing is giving themselves and their bodies commands; "I'm gonna cum (too soon)" and "I'm not even close." By all means, if their brain and body is functioning normally, these commands will be performed. You know this because your neck almost spun a 180 degree spin a few moments ago simply because I told you to! Don't psych yourself into premature ejaculation and understand and respect the body-mind connection!
Here are some commands that I can lend to you for the next time you are in bed that are much more beneficial for you and your partner to enjoy sex more.
"I'm gonna enjoy this but not until she enjoys it first."
"I'm gonna make her cum. Then I'm gonna cum too."
"I'm gonna slay this hot bitch until she screams for mercy."
ad infinitum.
Give the commands you want to perform to your body and your body will perform them.
It really is that simple.
Perhaps you are out of touch with your body and the commands you give it don't seem to be working. Fear not. Walk in baby steps. Get some control, then gain more. After you gain more, gain even more than that. Eventually you will have full control.
Another point is to know your own arousal level. But know it in detail. On a scale of 1-10 with ten being the absolute peak (ejaculation) and 9.9 being the point of no return- then KNOW in intimate detail the difference between 6- a semi hard on, 7-hard on, all the way up to 9.1 and 9.2. What are the differences between them? What about 9.3? If you can differentiate between these levels, you can still really enjoy a high level of sexual pleasure without ejaculation. Then you can take rests and move up and down the scale.
One final tip I read in a Chinese Taoist sex manual was that when the sexual energy 'Qi' is leaving the body in the form of ejaculation, it is possible to hold it in with two methods;
1. Brace the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle hard. It feels like you are finishing taking a leak.
2. Pull out your penis and place a finger on the head of the penis.
Whether you buy into Eastern Taoist beliefs or not, they both seem to work for me, but really should become redundant if you simply know your arousal level and consciously control it by giving solid commands.
Enjoy sex more.
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