Work

Did I ever tell you that I was a vegetarian?
The girl looks at me quizzically. Eating only vegetables is such a strange and rare thing that only crazy people would do in Japan.
"Yea, I was a vegetarian for a short period of time."
I look out the window of the tall building I'm in and see an ocean of buildings in front of me. The sun setting behind us paints the otherwise gray buildings with a tinted pink hue. It's starting to become winter and the sun is going down earlier these days. I look back at the cute young thing in front of me and notice she is on the edge of her seat, waiting for me to say something, they always are.
"When I was living high up in the mountains in Canada I lived with some vegetarians and became interested. I wanted to know what it was about."
"Why?"
I look out again and see the mountain beside us. The leaves are changing their shade of green to gold but from here it looks brown. Being able to see nature, city and ocean in one scenic view is a something I never get tired of.
"I tried it out. It's a really different experience. It only ended after I took a ten day meditation course in which I was completely silent and never said a word to another single soul."
"Huh? Why?"
She replies, and the slightest hint of confusion crosses her face. The look is so subtle but so distinct. It's not a look that says 'I don't know what he is talking about', it is a look that says, 'I'm not sure if I can relate to this person anymore.' I see that look and it burns into me. I know that if I lose this girl's respect, it will be difficult to bring it back, and once it is gone, along with it goes a portion of my salary. Talking to women for money was once fun, now it's ruining me.
Some people look at conversation as a pass time. Those that have more skill and motive look at it like chess, thinking a few steps ahead.
I look at conversation like it's gonna bring me money or not.
I smile and I look at her dead in the eye. I know that she doesn't see the color blue in a human eye far too often. I'm knowledgeable in the fact that it has a certain effect. The white of my teeth are now showing and the light of my smile as I gaze deep into her eye begins to make her blush a little. I say, "It was incredible. Those days. That time."
I turn away from her to admire the concrete jungle below me. I see from the corner of her eye she is catching her breath and blushing. When I think of how much this girl is paying to be sitting here talking to me, I know I have to bring her something of value. Work is work, and if I don't give to her what she wants, she will take her business elsewhere. What she wants, she doesn't say - so some amount of mind reading is required.
Generally, when a girl at work asks me a question, I have two answers. 1. I say what she wants to hear. 2. I say what I think she wants to hear.
In the earlier question she wanted to know why I was a vegetarian and why I did some wacky meditation course. The true reason for me doing this is too far beyond her realm of understanding. The force that motivated me to do something like that along with motivating me to come to this country is not something she can relate to. People fear and hate what they don't know, it's no secret. For centuries, foreign peoples have raged war with cultures they didn't understand. On a smaller scale the same thing happens in our daily life. A guy does something different to others in the group, he is said to be strange. I went into the forest and meditated for 10 days eating only vegetables and fruits twice a day- I have to be crazy. This girl doesn't want to be talking to, let alone paying to talk to a madman.

She is leaning back just a little slightly now.
From sheer experience I know the outcome and at least 10 different variable courses that I can walk out of this unscathed, as long as a spanner isn't thrown into the works.
"I discovered something very important when I meditated."
I notice a slight ease of tension in the girl, her interest is back. I'm playing with her comfort zone.
"What?" She predictably responds. I give her answer number 1.
"I discovered, I really like meat. Now give me your hand, I'm hungry!"
She giggles and jumps back as I reach for her hand and try to take a bite.

Facing the fear and unknown

Sometimes I think about the girlfriend I broke up with 5 months ago. When I say I "sometimes" think about her, I mean I constantly think about her everyday. Sometimes I have dreams about her. I woke up this morning from a very vivid dream. I saw her and her fiance (she had met her husband in this dream). I looked at the guy and he looked like a douchebag- naturally. She told me that she loved him and she didn't want to speak to me. I told them both that I hated them both and that I wanted to take a knife and cut out his reproductive organs so that she wouldn't have to suffer a life of living with his ugly children.

I would never say such a thing in real life and it actually woke me up well before my alarm. My subconscious mind is not a nice person.
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They tell me that Japanese girls are shy. Then they tell me that actually shyness is a form of Japanese beauty. So girls are acting shy because they want to appear more appealing to men. They want to look more appealing to men so they can have more sex! Hell yeah! I told this to a foreign chick friend and she said Japanese girls don't want sex, they want to get married. I tend to agree with her here.

Another thing I have noticed is fear. Fear is attraction and the unknown.
For example, if I see a really sexy lady, I feel fear in talking to her, more than I would feel fear in talking to an ugly old guy. Simply because I am attracted to the girl. Even if my motive is to just say hello, I have more fear talking to the girl. If I know a beautiful girl, from a friend or whatever, I don't feel fear. Simply because I know her, she is not unknown. If I go into a place I have never been to I might feel a little hesitant, simply because it's the unknown.

Women have these feelings too. Foreign girls find me less attractive compared to Japanese girls, so when I talk to them they have ZERO fear in talking to me. But after they do become more interested in me, I start to see some fear. Like avoiding eye contact and then getting caught in eye contact and gazing too dreamily they notice what they are doing and snap back.

So, in order to get the most out of the shy pretty Japanese girl who fears the unknown, we must take her position into consideration.
1. She must know the person to stop fearing the unknown.
2. She would best know the agenda of the person talking to her.
3. She must maintain her shy act to remain attractive, even though it conflicts with what she actually wants to do, which is talk and learn more about the "exotic" foreign guy. Although she has the feeling that she wants to talk, she is too shy and scared to do it.

Quite often I run into the conflicting state. She is scared, but is attracted. The result is a deer in headlights. No speaking and not very responsive, but stuck in a gaze where she isn't either coming or going. I think another thing is that girls who want to remain 'cute' and therefore shy, fear speaking will make them less cute. And it's kinda true. Last time I was overseas, the girls were shooting their mouths off in a very unattractive, unfeminine way. It was not good for my attraction towards them. Plus they are fat.

Last week I approached a chick on the street who was in a hurry to be somewhere. I said hi. She said nothing and continued walking. She felt fear of the unknown and she didn't know my agenda. I let her walk on. Then I reapproached and told her that I just wanted to say hi. She ignored me again. Then I ran after her again and re approached with my agenda right up front. This time I wasn't unknown and since she had already acted shy she could engage a little bit more. I said (in Japanese) "Hello again. I'm here to nampa you. How are you doing this evening? you're in quite a hurry." She told me she was married. I told her that's ok, we don't have to have sex, maybe just a little kissing. Then she just burst out laughing. Mind you I was saying this in a very low pressure way. I asked her about her ring and she showed me, so she was being genuine. But, the hypothesis rings through. To overcome the fear of the unknown, you must familiarize yourself with the person possibly with repeated approaches with the agenda out front. More testing is required to create a theory from this hypothesis. I'm happy to run through test procedure.

Sex styles

The most annoying thing about my life is that whenever I leave my house I can hear people commenting on me being good looking but the girls are simply intimidated by it. If we move to a more intimate setting I have to deal with the girl's insecurity about me being モテモテ。
I hope to get better at dealing with it because ignoring it until it goes away doesn't help. Another thing that always has been difficult is the language. It's hard.

Onto another topic- sex styles.
The point of sex is to enjoy it. My point of having sex is to have her enjoy it. For me the most beautiful thing is a woman in the state of orgasm at my own doing. It's just a very rewarding experience especially if you think the girl is fantastic.
There are many different positions when having sex, everyone has their favorites, and using these sex positions well timed can definitely heighten the experience or lessen the experience. It mostly depends on the sex style you want to have.

Close passionate sex
This involves a lot of kissing and talking and is usually in a position where your faces are closer; such as in missionary. Close passionate sex is better at certain times of the month when the girl feels more emotional and wants to feel closer. There is no saying that sticking to this position is the best, it's just that if you care about your girl, which you should, and she isn't feeling the happiest and you start trying to fuck her from behind, doggy style, she isn't going to be into it. Moreover, she will dislike it, and that is not the point of having sex. It's best to keep things face to face while you tell her nice things that make her more reassured. One of the things I like to do when I'm here is when the girl starts closing her eyes and turning her head back, I take her face in my hands and tell her to look at me. We gaze at each other while the sex is passionate.
By moving to a more upright position while she is still on her back, you can then bring her knees or legs up to your body and get into a position where you can get deeper penetration. While this is good because it touches her well, your face will inevitably be further away. This takes away from the intimacy and you might see her reaching up at you, trying to pull you in closer. In this case she wants more intimacy than deep penetration. Just go in close again until she's ready.

Wild loose sex.
Whilst close passionate sex is important, so is wild loose sex. Only showing the passionate side is looser and boring. However only showing the wild side can be intimidating and the girl may feel objectified and emotionally unsatisfied. This wild loose sex is the stuff that happens when you are at a bit of a distance from each others faces. Its great to just get drunk put on some loud music and fuck each other silly whilst making loud noise. It's also great to reinforce what she is doing vocally by telling her she is sexy, hot, going off, fucking you just right. Its these times that you really can get to know each other in a more expressive way. Right on!

S&M
Locking each other up, dominating, teasing, having power play along with physical abuse to some extent. The point of this is that when a naturally submissive type feels totally powerless to the sex acts she is involved with, she will take in as much pleasure as she can and totally get off. The dominatrix feels the psychological power of controlling someone. Personally I'm not too keen on either, however, it is really exotic and exciting for all the girls I have done it with- when they were ready for it. One girlfriend had a rape fantasy that I tried to live out by pushing her into a love hotel and locking her up. But she freaked out and I had to stop it for her sake.

The strangest date ever

So I met the new Bi chick today. I've mentioned here before here.
We met up, played some UFO catcher, went for a walk into the hills, talked a lot about a lot of different things. She is really interesting. Has a lot to say. I really enjoyed listening to her talk. We walked down from the hills, ended back in my apartment. There we put on some music. She was tired cause she stayed up most of the night before so I suggested we take a nap. So we slept on my futon for about 30 minutes until I started making out with her. Then I bit her neck and she said, "so, can you do that a little harder?"
So I started biting into her real fucking hard and she started moaning. I kept that up for a while and then I kinda stopped and got freaked out a bit. I had some stage fright. I asked her if I really needed to abuse her. She was honest in saying that she doesn't need it, but she likes it. She told me that I don't have to do anything, but what really gets her off is being dominated. I was a bit scared. I said "like.... how hard?"
She told me that she has had blood drawn from her.
So I confirmed, "So like... real hard...?"
"Yea."
Just so matter of fact about it all. I couldn't really get it. What am I supposed to do? I hardly know her at all, this is our first date, should there be some warm up going on? Apparently not. Then I mumbled a bit, I felt weak, I was overwhelmed by it. She was a really cool nice girl- I just wanted to give passionate close sex to start off. I looked down and I uttered the words, "I don't want to be a chode..."
She started laughing. She said she hadn't heard that word in a long time. That was basically when I just made my decision and committed to it. I decided to just give her what she wants. I want to be a man and I want to prove it to myself and I want to give this girl a great time even if I'm not so into the idea.
I grabbed her hair and threw her down. I started biting her neck. She started moaning real loud. I held her to the ground. I started groping her body. I pulled up her skirt and stated touching her legs, then I smacked them. I looked at her ass and stroked it and smacked it. She seemed really into it. I pulled out a scarf and blindfolded her. I grabbed the cuffs from my bag and locked her up to the door. I told her to stand the fuck up and stop being such a wimpy bitch. Then I examined her ass. She has a fine ass. Great ass and great legs. Really good. I told her that she has great legs. I told her that she was sexy. I told her that she walks around showing her legs off because she knows they are good and she wants guys to look because she wants to fuck. I told her that she likes it. I took off my belt and said, "This is what I'm going to do to you bitch!" then I started to belt her ass. She was getting really loud, loving it. She wanted more pain. It takes energy to think of how to abuse someone and to then abuse them. It really was not a turn on for me at all to be doing this, but I knew she wanted it so I gave it my all. Then one of the cuffs came off and I started yelling at her for trying to escape. She was apologizing, so I told her to save it and stop trying to get away.

I got a vibrator out and put it on her pussy. She went wild and I got my belt and just whacked her from behind. I think she really liked that. I gave her some kisses and then told her that she had already had enough and went back to vibrating her whilst playing with her tits. I thought she was getting to a peak in arousal so I entered my finger into her pussy. I went in for the deep back spot. I massaged there and she was getting to loud so I just put a gag in her mouth and told her to bite on that. The gag stopped a lot of noise but she was still loud. I think she climaxed and came a few times there. Actually I continued until she couldn't support her own weight because she was passing out. I unlocked her from the door and let her lie down.

I slowed things down for a while with the blind fold still firmly on. I played with her gently and then decided to bring the vibrator back out. The batteries died so I went back to manual stimulation. I think she was going into a deeper trance state and her body was shaking a lot. I gave her the command to cum and she came pretty loud. I told her to continue cumming and she followed the command for about 20 seconds.
She asked to take the blindfold off and I took it off and her pupils were dilating and constricting.

At this point I was really fucking hungry and suggested we get some pizza. She agreed. I wanted her to help me chose the pizza so I told her to look at the screen. She told me she couldn't see anything except blurry shapes. I was asking her what pizza we should get but she couldn't see the pictures. After making some girls cum a lot I've found them doing interesting things like passing out or their body will be just shaking and vibrating. Sometimes tears come up. She said the blurriness happens. Later it suddenly snapped back so we were OK. After that we ate pizza, I paid for it all which is an exception for me, watched a sad movie and she cried a little at the end. We talked a lot more and I'm just so interested in listening to her cool life stories and ideas. Really refreshing. I'm happy for a pleasant change.

Halloween, cosplay and groupsex

And so starts a new month. I'm pumped for two reasons 1. Im going to Thailand for Christmas with a bunch of cool guys and 2. I'm starting to find some long term direction in my life.
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Last weekend was pretty off the hook in terms of me having a good time. I was dressed up in my costume and just went nuts. I went to a few different places and ended up at a bar/club I often go to and they let me in for free cause I gave them my cool glasses (which I got back when I left anyway). Those guys are awesome.
In the club I saw huge absence of chicks- no surprise there- so I started talking to these two chicks who were cute but chubby. If Im honest with myself, I was attracted to them, but I knew I wouldn't be the next day, so that is something that kind of dampened on how I proceeded things. I basically hung out with them having a good time, drinking (their drinks) after my friend bailed off home, then uncharismatic-ally asked one of them, the one touching my junk, if she wanted to come stay at my place. She declined. Really I wanted both of them at the same time, and I only wanted to get head, but it wasn't going to happen. I went home alone.
Speaking of threesomes, I got a missed call on my phone today from my guitarist. I was on a break at work so I called him back. Just pause here so I can give some background on this character. He's a Japanese guy in his early 40's, plays guitar like a machine, thinks he's a rockstar in his 20's (just like I do- but I AM in my 20's), has hair that goes halfway down his back which is covered in tattoos because he used to be a gangster, but now works as a carpenter. He told me last week he got into a fight with the foreman about some bullshit, he's always fighting the authority, so he took his shirt off and showed his tattoos to scare the guy. Funny thing is he's really smart and speak English really well. He's fucken cool. It's too bad he lives with his girlfriend and they are mostly sexless. I tell him to fuck her because its his duty, but he says
he cant because she feels like his sister now. The drummer agrees with him and says, it's all over after 2 years. The drummer's GF is smokin hot, someone has to tap that ass. It should be him.
Anyway, I call him up to see whats going on. Apparantely we have a gig coming up this month and we need to talk about the songs we are going to play. I say, "yea, let's meet early before band practice (tonight) and talk about it. What are you doing now?"
He tells me that he is in a love hotel with a guy and a chick and the chick is sucking his dick and the other guy is fucking her. I'm like, WTF? are you serious? And he was all about it. Next thing I hear is the chick screaming cause she cumming and he's laughing. I'm like, DUDE! Im at work!
He said, "whats the matter? did the girl's screaming cause shes getting fucked good make you horney? Now you have to work with a boner? HAHA"
What a fuckker! hahahaa Yeah, thats so cool.
I met him tonight and he told me all about how he scored her from some S&M site for matchmaking. Her boyfriend went to kyushu for the next 6 months with work, now shes on a yarihoudai. He said she came more than 10 times. He's wants to put together an orgy next. 5 on 5 or something. He invited me. My first instinct is "no" which of course triggers my "don't be a pussy" response, which says, "do whatever you are scared of at all costs", which often got me into trouble when I was a teenager, but not so much these days. I said Ill think about it. If his GF finds out about this she would kick his ass out on the street and probably punch me too for being involved. Personally, I think they should be sharing these moments.
Speaking of S&M, I'm meeting the Bi-sexual tomorrow. I'm not sure how I feel about this really. I don't know what I'm gonna do. She's a nice girl though, even if I just hung out talking with her it would be cool. I'm guessing its not gonna be just that though....