I can't save you

I can't even save myself. So just save yourself.
That's how I feel when I have to talk about marriage with girls I haven't slept with yet. The problem I have with this is that most girls I talk to don't want to work and want to get married as soon as possible. They want someone to save them. They are waiting for a guy to save them. Looking for a husband is like looking for a job for a lot of girls. It's their status, and will be that way for the rest of their lives. The quality of life is determined by his profession. I have no idea what it must be like to be so powerless over my own perception of happiness. Most girls at the marrying age in their lives are trying hard for me to invest money in them and chase them. They ask me to buy them stuff, to show that I'm interested. They want me to continue to hassle them for dates when they don't offer alternatives. They want most to hear that they are loved. Dealing with, and learning to enjoy the challenges that girls dish out on potential suitors is something I'm beginning to lose interest in. The thrill of the chase is turning into a slow and predictable routine, but the alternative of marriage is even scarier.

If I were a man with a good salary (I'm not) and if I were to marry a good looking Japanese girl based on her appearance who doesn't want to work, who chose me as her best option, I would have to pay a lot of money to clothe her, to feed her and to house her. My living expenses would double. It's a lot money to invest in a depreciating investment. And I say that I am marrying her based on her appearance only, that is why it's depreciating. Unfortunately, men are wired to want to spread our seed, whilst women want the best seed possible.

It is more economical for me to live in a more humble sized apartment, and visit hookers for the rest of my life. That way I would have a variety, the conversations would be mostly pleasant, and I would probably end up with more money and sex!

Of course I would never mention any of this to a girl who I want to sleep with, because to be honest it's a pretty lousy way to view your life and of course I don't believe it.
Actually, I think that there is a way around all this and marry for love and enjoy having the greatest sex ever, with the women of your dreams, whose love is mutual, for the rest of your life. It simply requires a better job than what I have now. So, I think I'm gonna have to make some changes to my life. I'm planning my future now, and unfortunately it means I have to leave Japan for a while.

Feeling happy, found a bisexual girl

I just discovered a bisexual girl. She's into S&M and knows a hell of a lot more about it than I do. She's also really smart, clever, quick, and talking with her is educational, fun, sexual and she is in FINE shape in her early 20's. She may not be all that cutesy, actually far from it it, but I don't care. I'm going to blow off my other prospects and focus on this until I get it happening. If I can hook up with her and start some sort of mutually beneficial relationship, I'm thinking that I can at least learn a lot from her in terms of sex. But her experience in S&M is quite expansive, I'm going to come across as green. Also, one of the things I'm into is romance, this might be lost on her. It's OK. I can go with the flow. I think she's going to be down with going with the flow. I feel so intrigued, scared and excited about this. Could this actually be cooler than what Ive done in the past?

Not only J-Chicks

Indeed I live in Japan and date mostly locals, but this doesn't mean I only like these girls. I'm not limited to only Japanese girls and I'm definitely not attracted solely to them. In fact it was only a few weeks ago that I was on a cruise ship about to fuck a Fijian beauty in the ship's elevator when I got rudely interrupted. I tend to go for nice girls that are slim and dress in nice clothes. Japan has a rich supply of these girls. But if I were to rate a white girl, I would say that Fergie is ACE.
I'm also a huge fan of Beyonce. I would not think twice if I ever had the chance. I'd totally do Pam, and I have the biggest crush ever on this half Japanese- african american singer Chrystal. One chick I know has chinese descent but raised in America. I couldn't keep my eyes off her legs for the longest time and I found out it's because she goes running everyday. Those are some fine pegs.

Synchronicity

I once read about a thing called synchronicity. It's when coincidences happen that are basically the universe puling you and itself in a direction. I don't know how far I believe this idea, and how much of it is just being either deluded or paranoid or wishful. Anyway, I'm talking about this because I saw a black sports car outside my apartment the other day. The exact same model as my ex's. I was hoping it was her and she came to say hello and that she wanted to make love with me or something equally as random, but it wasn't. Then later that day I bumped into my just friends hostess chick downtown while she was shopping with her friend and I was cruising around alone. She invited me to her place to have dinner with her and her friend, who was totally cute, so I said yes. I had no plans for dinner. I never really bump into people I know. Then while Im with them I bump into another chick who I hung out with a few times with her friends who's pretty damn hot. She was all like, "Is that your girlfriend?"
I said it was 'just a friend'. She could see the jealousy fuming off the 'just a friend', and excused herself. The 'just a friend' got a little jealous of me talking to her friend a few times too. I don't know if I'm going to be able to be just friends with this chick.
Anyway, there have been a bunch of other instances where I have chatted or semi picked up chicks and then bumped into them again a few days later. Like one time I was talking to a girl in Daiamaru when she was with her mother, I said she was real hot and that we should hang out. She said that I was real hot and she wanted to hang out but she was going to study abroad in a few weeks so there was no point. Why did I not tell her otherwise is beyond me, but I bumped into her in the street a few days later. Then I did it again with a chick I was talking to in Donki, but she was with a guy when I bumped into her. And again with another chick from Donki. Also a chick I was trying to pickup in Kentucky Fried I bumped into her while she was working. Its funny that I asked what her job was and she wouldn't tell me.
The thing is I never see these people again. I mean, I never meet people I know in the street.
**This random bullshit thinking is a symptom of me not getting enough sex. I have a date this weekend, hopefully something positive happens. I'm also pissed that Scientology are advertising their crap business of a cult on my blog.

The Journey

As I use this blog I'm finding it interesting to not only voice my opinion uncensored without having to consider the listener, or in this case the reader, but to also look within myself and see some things I didn't know.
I was sitting in a park today, thinking about this blog and thinking about things in general. One of my influences I had as a teenager growing up was from a friend who I used to hunt for girls with. We were about 15 years old and we would go to the beach or the shops or wherever and just push each other into getting girls. It seemed so much easier and simple at that age. We were great friends and we played in a band together. During one argument we had around the age of 17-18, we had a falling out. I couldn't stand to be around his ego. He probably felt the same. I was never really able to hunt for girls with my other friends because they were too cool. They expected the girls to come to them, in a way this happened but it was too boring to stand around being cool instead of just letting it all hang out and just have a fun chat with chicks. I bumped into my enemy friend here and there at parties or at the beach and we had pretty surface cordial chats.
I can't remember how old he was when he first found out he had cancer, but I heard about it too along the grapevine. My mother also had cancer at a young age and was able to overcome it. I expected him to do the same so I wasn't concerned. He battled for over 2 years. I remember being at a party and a girl told me about his condition being in the worst state and that he probably wouldn't live too much longer. I was having such a good time at that party but when I heard that, I was shattered. I mean, I hated the guy, he was an asshole, but death- what is that about? We were only 21.....
I went to the hospital to visit him and I was really scared about going. I wasn't sure if he would be angry or if his family would be angry. I had no idea what to expect. His mother and girlfriend were there and they were happy to see me. They welcomed me in and there I saw him. A shrunken, pale, emaciated version of the guy I used to play music, surf and pick up chicks with. I could see through his oxygen mask that he was happy to see me. The years of tension between us faded into nothing and we talked like we used to. I was fighting back tears because I was just so saddened by the situation and I knew he didn't want me to come and be a crybaby. Somewhere during the conversation he told me that there was nothing left that the doctors could do for him. I was too far in denial to hear it. Then he told me, if he could walk, if he could just get out of the bed he would sit at the beach and just watch the waves. Then he would do it again the next day, and the day after that and the day after that. I can't imagine what it's like to know your own death is coming at such a young age, and accept it.
He died 2 days later.
This event changed me into a person that lived for the future to a person that lived for the moment. I really needed to live and see and experience as much as I could before something like this happened to me. I turned into 'the yes man' like that movie and agreed to every proposal that came my way. I quit my life and went traveling. I have been living for the moment for the past 4 years and now I'm finally thinking about the future.
The problems I think most people have with their own lives is that they either live for the moment or for the future. Both are fundamentally flawed.
Focusing on the future doesn't allow us to enjoy the moment.

Men in general are more outcome focused. We look for the answer, the result, the 'point'. When we talk to women we tend to look for the point or the result of what they re saying. If we are attempting a pickup, we have the end result of that in mind and it makes the interaction become less natural and the atmosphere doesn't flow like it does at other times. Women don't speak to solely exchange information. Although that is what essentially happens, it's the enjoyment of exchanging the information. For us men to enjoy the moment and enjoy the interaction and empathize and hear what the girl is saying is to really communicate. Approaching it like a car engine solely with the result in mind (fix) will make for some shitty interaction that you both don't like. Then when you progress things you think about getting towards sex and don't enjoy the kiss. When you get to penetration you think about climax and don't enjoy the sex. Then you cum too soon and feel unsatisfied and she is most likely unsatisfied too.

Women often too, themselves look to the future too much to truly enjoy the moment. The most obvious examples I see with this is amongst single women who don't want to fuck because they need to be sure the guy loves them or is their boyfriend. The thought of marriage weighs heavily on girls also. Thinking that marriage will bring a life of bliss and then waiting for outside influences to create your happiness is too unstable. Then when marriage comes, but bliss doesn't it is a let down that some women blame on their husbands and complain to me about.

Anyway, it's getting late. I need to finish this up. Forgetting about the future and looking only at the moment I've found I've had the most fun times in my life, but they are misguided and vague. Having goals and a destination in mind is best but life is not about the destination but the journey to get to that goal. In other words, plan for the future and live for the moment.
Breathe your fears in as you step toward your goal, exhale all expectation of success in reaching it. Enjoy the feeling of being alive as you push toward your dreams.
Enjoy the journey.

It's Saturday night and I'm sick at home. How dull. Living alone in a far eastern country is great because you don't have any family watching over you and judging your lifestyle choices, but in times of sickness it's one lonely place. Right now I want to take a bath and read a book but I'm not even supposed to get in the bath and my mind is too restless to concentrate on study or reading. So I'm going to write my thoughts here and talk about my day at work today.
My job is actually English teaching and most of the time I teach adults. Of those adults I mostly teach women. I spend most of my waking hours speaking to Japanese women and I've been doing it for such a long time that one might consider me a seasoned professional at talking them. It's good because I enjoy it most of the time, but other times I hate it because it's tense and that's usually because the woman I'm talking to is tense. They get tense because of the language difficulty, they are usually shy anyway, and most women comment that they are nervous because of my appearance.
When I'm working I have 3 main goals with the women. Get them comfortable, get them happy and get them speaking. Every woman is different and accomplishing these goals requires a different approach every time. Sometimes a compliment will do all 3 things in one foul swoop. Let's take one random student from today. A woman in her 20's or early 30's. I guess that not because of her appearance, but because of her job and marital status. She's a doctor married to another doctor, while to most foreigners she looks like a cute 19year old. She is very cutesy and acts clueless and yes, I would like to try it on with her. She came in today wearing a leopard print top. I looked at her and said, "that's a nice top." She sat up straight and said, "this top?" I confirmed at commented about the color. She replies "This color??? Sexy?" and her voice reaches a peak of cuteness I've never before witnessed.
Cute and good looking girls that are savvy sometimes try to flaunt what they have to get the guy on the chase and have their femininity and sexuality reassured. This type of girl likes to see a guy lost for words and have him fumbling like a fool. I love this type of girl! But considering that I'm more on the "S" side of S&M, I'm more likely to tease than be teased. I don't skip beat. I quickly rotate my chair so I'm not facing her but sitting by her side and move in very close to her face. Let my voice drop a tone or 2 and I look her directly in the eyes as I say, "Yes," pausing as I take a breathe, "it's a little bit sexy." Then I let a cheeky grin slide onto my face.
She bursts into uncontrollable laughter and her face flushes red. This is not a typical interaction that you would expect a married doctor to be having with her English teacher 30 seconds after saying hello. But nothing about my life is really typical in that sense. The people I talk to can't be normal people.
This girl, like most married girls that I talk to, prefer not to mention their husbands. I will know they are married, but they tend not to wear their rings. I do them the honor of not mentioning their husbands and let them enjoy the escape from reality they have whilst in the world of English. Maybe they are just trying to respect me by not mentioning him because they think I wouldn't want to hear about him. I don't care either way. But it kills me when a woman starts complaining to me about her husband and finds herself nearly in tears. There are a thousand things wrong with that scenario. I wont go there now.
So usually I prefer when I talk to college age people, boys or girls. Simply because they are so chilled out and kicked back compared to the stressed out workers. They have more interests and more energy. Some of the girls aren't bad looking either. Some of them aren't that good, but they are young, and while that's usually not enough to get me interested, it's a pretty good start.

Something strange happens to a man's mind when he hasn't had sex in a while. He starts to notice girls he wouldn't normally notice. Standards begin to slowly drop down. I haven't done it in a couple of months now. My standards are dropping and I'm looking at some girls I've known for a while and I'm thinking about it. The married guys I work with have no standards whatsoever which is more than likely an indication of their sex life and satisfaction they have with their wives. This lacking sex life is probably a result of them not being able to please their wives properly so the wives prefer a hot bath and those guys start over reacting to any girl that is a girl. It's fucken sad. I'm done bitching. I'm going to bed.

Sex on a plane

It's important to live out your girl's fantasy! All women have sexual fantasies, but most of them don't share those fantasies with anyone. Sharing your girl's fantasy and living it out with her is the responsibility of every man, but very few do this. Most women are embarrassed and are afraid of being judged poorly by their man so their fantasies remain hidden forever. By simply asking her what her fantasies are, and listening without judging, you can help her have and exciting sex life. Beware though. The fantasies might not involve you. Why? Cause you are her reality fool!

So here I'm going to share a story of the time I did it in a plane. My writing style here is very tongue in cheek fashion.

Having a short flight from kansai to shanghai (about 2 hours) and with fantasies of joining the 'mile-high-club' brought up by my girlfriend at the time- I knew a new type of mission was ahead of me.
A Sex Mission.
Planning and preparation were two of the key players that I knew I had to employ to pull this little, mid-aid covert co-op coitus. Although this was actually her request- the onus was on me to get the wheels into gear. Quite simply; because I'm the man.
As I ran my mind over all possible scenarios of what could happen and how this could be done I found myself over thinking it. On the outside, I try to have the appearance of a calm, cool, and collected man that flows smoothly and flawlessly through all situations; but on the inside I'm more of an introspective analyst. I analyzed that if I wanted to analize this biatch on a plane I would be needing a rock solid boner- one that cares not of situation, consequence and cares only of action. My habit to over think might lead to some sort of performance anxiety. What to do? What if it comes to crunch time and the shitty stink toilet smell doesn't get me into the mood? My answer came to me in the form of a blue, diamond shaped pill; sildenafil citrate. Generic Viagra.
Aside from the flaccid possibilities of a high elevation inability to perform penile inflation, we both knew it was gonna be a short flight. Our window of sexual opportunity would be short. A meal would be served. Should we fuck pre-meal or post meal? I suggested a post take-off sexdown followed by an economy class undercooked yet somehow overspiced chicken or fish meal.

Pre- check in; viagra consumed.

I'm feeling the effects of the situation. A little unnerved and more than a little tense. The viagra effect goes to my head and I feel a little dizzy. I have no focus or clear thought pattern- just randomness.
We see the staff and their smiles. My girl asks for a blanket. She puts it over my lap. I tell her I'm not cold. She giggles and says, 'it's not for that' as she takes a grasp of my junk under the secret veil of the blanket.
"Ingenious" I reflect to myself as I sit back to enjoy digital stimulation.

We are in the air and the seat-belt lights are off. Now is the time.
I spy a toilet with a baby change. This will certainly have more space for physical action. I tell my girl to follow me in there 2 minutes after. I go and wait. And wait I do. I get bored and go back to my seat. She sitting there looking sheepish.
"What happened?"
"The staff looked at me. I was shy. Lets go after the meal when they are picking up the meal trays."
I can't argue.
The time comes for chance #2. I'm in the toilet and she knocks. I open, she gets in and jumps with a little excited 'yay'. She's excited cause she's about to get some cock. Some serious, solid, viagra cock.
We waste little time and pull her panties down to her ankles and I start to fuck her hard from from behind. It's going off. I pull the baby change table down and throw her up on there and keep the action solid. She's getting closer and a lot louder- It's too hot- I have two options; hold out and make her scream in the bathroom, or bust.
Bust my load I do.
She smacks me, "I was so close!"
I absorb the blow to my body, but my ego doesn't like it much.
She gets her clothes back on. Escapes to her seat. I wait a little. Open the door to see a line of people waiting for the toilet.

The air hostesses have no more smiles for us.

curry rice

I'm at home after working tonight and I'm eating curry rice. It was in a bag hanging from my door as I came home. I looked on my keitai and there was a message from the hostess friend I talked about in the other post. She cooked too much and gave the rest to me. I'm beginning to wonder what this means. Girls don't usually stick around me too long. She in particular has a strong interest in speaking English, and since I recently decided that I'd rather not speak English when I'm not at work, we speak in Japanese. Girls with English interest in particular don't stick around at all when I don't speak to them in English. The novelty of speaking to a foreign guy is gone and is replaced with the difficulty of having to dumb down your language to speak to a guy with the conversational ability of a 3 y.o. It's a burden that they'd rather not take, so they leave.

I'm not concerned by it, and more than anything I expect it. Now I'm just confused about this girl. Why is she still being nice to me and contacting me, bringing me gifts (this is not the first time), and not just forgetting about me? The sex we had was admittedly pretty bad on my behalf....
A part of me wants to think that she likes me as a person and isn't too concerned about my shit J-skills, but the other half realizes that she is just limited in options right now and if a better one presented itself she'd be gone.
I met with a girl before I went on a holiday a last month. We were talking about the holiday and she asked me if I could buy her something from a specific place that I was visiting. I told her I would, then I asked her what she was buying me. Her skills at changing the topic of conversation kinda sucked and I could see that she really didn't want to spend anything on me. Although I made the promise to buy her a dress, and I wrote down her size and the name of the place in front of her, I had no intention whatsoever with following through on it. This was simply because I hadn't yet slept with the girl, and for all I know after 3 weeks of me not being in the country she would more than likely flake our plans to meet on my return. On that date we did end up making out quite heavily and I was looking forward to seeing her again. She seemed to be also, but a young girl with options won't last 2 weeks without constant attention, let alone 3.

We mailed a bit when I got back- she was excited J-girl style, which means polite excitement that is basically impossible to distinguish from real. Then she didn't reply to my mail, then told me later she was in hospital, I didn't believe her but gave her a polite 'Hope you feel better', she said thankyou, I gave one more playful mail and then no reply. I'd be bummed about this if I had bought her the dress but because I know J-girls like I do, I didn't buy the dress and I don't give a shit. Why would I choose the option of chasing a greedy girl when a generous one brings food to my door? And she's probably thinking the same thing about me for not buying her drinks when we went out!
We will always take what we perceive as the better option. Giving the perception that you are the best option is the key. It shouldn't have to cost money. A woman is not a boring bill to pay off, but a child is.

Just Friends?

I wonder if a man and a woman can ever be just friends with absolutely no stigma attached? One of my best friends I have is a girl and we talk about all things including our relationships and sex lives. This is really good for me to get her unbiased opinion. I respect her as a friend and although I really wanted more when I first met her, that feeling has completely gone. We've been close for about 8-9 years now. Speaking honestly however, if the situation came up, I'd probably try it on with her. The point is I don't really want to.
Anyway, this is a rare type of friendship and the thing that prompted me to post now was that I had a girl stay at my place last night. This girl is really good looking and works in a snack bar but at the same time she recently started working as an English teacher for young kids. We had sex a couple of times before, but I cooled things off. She's not really my type and I didn't want to be in something too deep after my last break up. Anyway, I proposed we just be friends.
We met last night as friends and had some dinner. I invited her back to my place to see the pics of my last vacation. This wasn't a ploy to get her to come in, she genuinely wanted to see the pics. We got sleepy and I offered her to share my futon. I just wanted to sleep. I slept with my arm around her. I wonder if she feels confused about this.

In the breakup with my last girlfriend, she offered we meet as friends sometimes. I told her that if I saw her I would only want to fuck her. It would be too difficult and torturous to not do that. I declined the offer. She understood, because really, she felt the same and she said that. The breakup was her father's decision for her to get married to a nice Japanese man with a good job. Well, that's what she said, but I think she too wanted to have a that. In her eyes, 24-25 is getting old and marriage should be coming soon. She said that for her to move on she needed to stop loving me.

Now I just want to see her and say hello, to know that she's ok. Having no communication sux. I send her messages sometimes and she replies a few days later with a short response. I guess she's ok. We couldn't ever be just friends without wanting more though.

Why is Al Pacino sexy?

Is Al Pacino a tall man?
Is he well built?
Is he good looking?
Is he a funny guy that makes a lot of really funny jokes?
The answer to all these questions is a strong "no." Yet when we ask women what do they think of him we always come back with the same answer, "He is sexy."
How is this possible? It makes no sense. Good looking people are tall. They are muscular. They have symmetrical faces and smiles with white teeth. Al Pacino has none of that but is considered sexy.

It's obvious to me that being a sexy man and being a good looking person are two completely different dynamics. Looking at the surface of it we will say because he is a movie star. Well, Philip Seymour Hoffman is an amazing actor that has won some awards for his skills yet I've never had anyone refer to him as sexy.
So if it's not acting ability, or good looks, then can anyone be a sexy guy like him?
I think they can.
I believe that anyone can, everyone should, yet most don't. What I will further add to that is that most men have no desire to become sexy men. They desire to be strong, well built or good looking. They desire to be smart, academic, rich and successful. But never do they say to themselves, I want to be sexually attractive to women.

Here's some dialogue from 'Scent of a Woman'.
The character, 'Charlie' says the following to our buddy Al.

"You're a good looking guy, and you're fun to be with. You're a great travel companion. Sensitive, compassionate."
"Charlie, are you fucking with me?"
"Yes."

He is none of these things, is the secret in there?