How to be friends with J-girls, Ransom style

I often wonder how it could be possible for me to be friends with a Japanese girl. When I talk to them they often list their interests as; sleeping, shopping, eating cake and chatting with friends. I list my interests as music, fucking, language learning and a bunch of other things that guys like to do.

As you can see each of us is as shallow as the other and there is not much cross over or middle ground to be connecting upon within our interests. However, every couple of weeks I will get a message sent to me by a new and different girl on my Mixi* account. These girls say something along the lines of, "Your profile is interesting. Can we be friends?"
Even without the internet as a buffer, some girls ask or tell me to my face that they want to be friends.

Here is my response:

"OK! Lets be friends!"

Then we never contact each other again.

End.



*Mixi is a Japanese social networking service like facebook or myspace.

Porn star pop music

25 Japanese porn stars got together to form a pop music group.



Its about as awesome as the rest of the crap they pass off as music here.

Sex noise

Japanese houses and apartments are built really close to each other and the walls are so goddamn thin that in summer it is ridiculously hot and in winter it is ridiculously cold and if the guy in the apartment next to you sneezes then everyone can hear. Thank God for me I am lucky enough to live in a place with really thick walls.

Yes, that's right. I never once heard a peep from the foreign chick who used to live next door to me for a solid 2 and a half years. She never made any noise and once even apologized for making too much noise because she bought a bass subwoofer system. I told her to chill since I never heard it. We were on pretty good terms I thought. We even once went condom shopping together with another foreign chick and all got stocked up on our fav protection. But as we were shopping the chick from next door was like, "I don't need it since its not like I'm getting laid anyway." I had no clues into her sex life.

Meanwhile, I was exploring all types of sexuality with my then Japanese girlfriend. We were getting into some bondage and were doing some roleplays with domination. I would make her shout at me, "I want your cock in me now! Fuck me hard pleaaase!"

It was a lot of fun.

We would also mess around making jokes and just being stupid by having sumo wrestling challenges and doing our best cat impersonations by making loud cat noises until 3am in the morning whilst listening to dance music. Fuck, we were so into being horny, weird and slightly artistic left of center. I really enjoyed myself with her.

One night I was in a bar and I bumped into the chick from next door. I introduced her to one of my guy friends. As a joke he said to her, "Wow. You live next to Ransom? So I guess you have to put up with all the swearing coming from his place." She replied with a very deadpan expression on her face, "Its not the swearing that scares me. Trust me."

And so it turns out that my walls weren't so thick after all. She could hear everything. In the gory detail that would only come from someone perverted enough to keep an online blog of their sexploitations in Japan..... I was stunned. I really didn't think she could hear. It only became apparent to me how clear it was when she ended up fucking a dude and I heard everything. I got really happy for her because she was getting laid, but then I got horny and kind of irritated.

Since her living next to me, people have come and gone in the apartment next door. Much of the time it has been vacant until recently a dude has moved in and mentioned to me that he heard me scoring. Now I'm too self conscious to enjoy myself and make the girls enjoy themselves more during sex. This is shit. Fuck these thin walls. And fuck the dude next door for being in my face about it.

YES!

Not sure weather to laugh or applaud....

Surgical masks

In Japan, when people get sick they wear a mask that looks similar to the ones you see them wear in hospital before they perform surgery. It looks like this...Or this....

Sometimes all fashionable like this....
So many girls tell me they are sick so they can't meet up with me and I imagine something like the pictures above where the poor girl has a cold, is sneezing profusely and is unable to leave her house to meet me. I feel sympathy for them and wish them to get better soon because I know what it is like to be sick and want to go on a date with a really cool foreign stranger, but think better of it from fear it will ruin the beautiful impression I hope to give. I know what that is like, sweet child, don't think I'm fooling cause I've been there too...

like....once...

Last week I really had my head spin when I was taking a cute nurse back to the station after we had been in my apartment making out a ton and having sex for the first time. She pulled out a surgical mask and placed it over her face.

"What are you doing?"
"I'm sick. I need to wear a mask. I hope I didn't pass it on to you."
"You weren't wearing a mask when you showed up..."
"I didn't want you to know. I really wanted to see you tonight."

Now, its Thursday night, and waddaya know? I'M MOTHER FUGGING SICK BITCH!!

Goddamn! I've had plenty of girls lie to me about being sick when they clearly weren't, but this is a historical first in the pages of Ransom's weird love diary: a chick lies about not being sick when she is....

Chicks...

I don't get it and I'm not going to even try.