I have a girlfriend now

"Never in my life have I seen an oak tree of a man hit a bitch and come out wood chips like I have him. She totally cut him down to size." -Me, in reference to one of my friends getting "whipped" by his girlfriend (yes I quote myself even though I'm not that cool, whaddayagonnadoaboudit fool?).

When a guy loses his sense of self and bases it on his women and when he puts his personal goals and pleasure in life aside and focuses only on appeasing his woman, I consider him "whipped". I consider this a bad thing for the relationship on so many levels.

I had a tough conversation with the nail artist the other day. About four hours of serious talking where we 'broke up' then got back together as a monogamous 'boyfriend and girlfriend' couple. I'm still not sure how she managed to do it but it happened. Thinking back on it, I would say the whole thing was pretty unnecessary and if we had just kept going as things were without the bullshit drama then I wouldn't be sitting here right now considering 'dumping' her, again.

Demands from her;
I want you to love me and say you miss me.
I want to be more than just sex.
I want to know specifically why you love me.
I want to be assured that you love me for who I am so that in the future if you don't want to fuck me we will still be together.
I don't want you to cheat on me.

Replies from me;
How can I love you already? Love takes time.
Want to be more to me than sex? Then BE more than sex.
Why do YOU think you love me. You don't know ANYTHING about me.
Why would I want to stop sexing you? I love sex. I don't think you realize how much I love it.
Cheating...? no comment....

This 'love' shit is too heavy for a chill guy like me. Why doesn't she make like a boat and go with the flow?
If I were to get real with her I would say that I believe the entire universe is interconnected as one and the base composition is love. If we are able to free our minds of the distracting thoughts we constantly have and experience 'being' objectively and move deeper away from existence we would more easily connect with the universe and the love that creates it. When we hit mad peaks in orgasm our mind is able to -stop- and free itself of thought and experience love and the intense amounts of pleasure associated with it.
What she is experiencing is admiration of a man that can bring her this state of mind and pleasure state of body. This is entirely different to loving a person through intimacy and unique kinship.
I couldn't begin to explain it, and I don't think she would want to hear it anyway.

I got a little bit pissed off because the fact remains that she is still married and in no place to be getting up on my case about this type of shit.

To me it seems like humans define their sense of self worth based on the way other people treat them instead of choosing to define themselves through their own choice, belief and actions. When a person can look inside and create a certain sense of self from the strength they have within, they won't need to seek it from other people. Yet we are humans mostly don't do this and thus we need to be reassured that our actions and opinions and choices are correct, that we have reason and value to give the world from our existence. People with particularly weak character seek validation from others and this can be a very mentally draining task to those who are burdened with it.

This nail artist is in a needy place right now. She has a young child, her husband told her to get the hell out of his house, she lives with her family now and it only just happened a matter of months ago. I need to reply to her mails and let her know she is important at least 3 times a day! FUCK!

I don't need this shit. I don't need to spend my life appeasing a women and I don't need to be hassled about having feelings I don't have.

I'm not that cool

At work.

French girl: What's going on?
Me: I'm trying to straighten up my posture.
Frenchy: You know you look like an idiot, all stiff and shit. Your ass is sticking out too much too. You know what man? You don't need to have good posture to be cool, you just need to be yourself. Why don't guys just realize that!?
Me: For fucks sake Frenchy! I don't want to be cool, I don't care! I just want to have straight posture so my back doesn't hurt and I can get a smooth energy flow through my body. If I ever become 16 years old again where being cool is important I will head straight to you to get advice since you seem to be the authority on what is cool and what is not. Until then, save it, cause I. Don't. Care.
Frenchy: You don't care about anything.
Me: I care about me.

She's been dropping her opinionated crap on everyone ever since she started. I lost my 'cool', thus proving that I'm not that cool and admitting that I'm selfish.

Players getting played by playettes

Blackstreet dig the playettes. No doubt.

One of the things I love is getting sexy photos of/from girls I'm hooking up with. The only thing I love more than that is seeing my friends show me sexy pics of their girls. I love seeing their success and sometimes I see their sexy pics and get a little envious.

Last week 'Player 1' was being a real stand up guy and showing a few of us some pics that one of his girls sent him. She had a real fine ass that was hard to forget. I liked the way she was really artistic about taking the shots using shadow so that her face couldn't be recognized. Artistic and sexy with a phone camera taken by herself. Amazing.

Charmboy and I met for dinner last night cause he wanted to hear the latest on my escapades and I wanted to hear his. It would be great if he kept a blog then I could hear the whole story on what he gets up to without any interruption, but it seems he has better things to do. Fair enough. He showed me a sexy pic of his main squeeze, looking artistic and adorable. She seems to be really bringing him a lot of happiness with her intellect, passion and animal sex. They will be moving in together for a period starting later this year. Good luck to them!

Later that evening we met up with 'Player 2'. He was a bit down cause he hasn't been getting much luck with the girls lately. He has no problem meeting them, but they seem to get attached and fall in love really quickly putting too much pressure on him and making him feel uncomfortable. I sympathized with him, Charmboy told him to be more of an asshole.

He then casually mentioned that he met a girl in a club briefly last week and they were mailing. She sent him a couple of pics, one with her sitting on a toilet at work. He couldn't understand the meaning of it. We asked if he had any more pics. He was like, "Yea, just before you guys got here she sent me this." I saw a pic of a curvy girl wearing some denim, looking pretty fine. I was impressed. "What the hell does this mean? Why is she sending me this? We only met for like, 10 minutes."
"She wants to fuck you bro. You gotta get it on."
Charmboy's and my mutual suggestion was to get her to send a nude pic.
"No way, you guys are insane. I can't do that."
"You can and you will. In fact if you don't you are going to lose her."
I made the suggestion that some girls who are in touch and open in their sexuality aren't looking for a prince to save them or the Club owner with a ton of connections or a Mr. Right to marry, they are mostly looking for a platform to experience their sexuality. Fluffing around with a ton of conversation and amazing big notes to yourself is just going to turn her off. Go direct and provide her the platform and assurance to be a sexy lady.
"What do I say."
"I know what I would say, something about her sexy denim looking better on the floor. But let's hear what you have to say."
He showed me the message, it read something like;

"nice pic. If you want I could tell you what I think about a pic without the clothes if you send it."

I thought it was too wordy and suggested he change it to something that shows a bit more conviction.
"Try; Sexy pic! I'll tell you what I think when you send me a nude pic ;)"
He sent it and the reply comes back with a nude pic. High fives all round!
"Get another! But first reassure her. She went out on a limb there. She needs to know you liked it. Try; "Sexy girl! But you know I want to see more now..."
He sends, we wait, a reply comes, 'Player 2' sees it and laughes in disbelief, then hands it across to Charmboy. He takes a good look at it and pauses only ever so slightly. He is looking at it in a serious way. Finally he says, "Nice." Starts to hand the phone back to 'Player 2' but I interject cause I wanna see it too.

My eyes hit the screen.

The shape of a round ass.

Shadow artistically hiding her face.

I make the connection back to last week.
My stomach drops a little, and I look at Charmboy because I know he knows it too. This photo is unmistakably the exact same photo that 'player 1' showed us only one week earlier. Same girl playing 2 guys.

I say, "Dude....."
An intense glare comes from his eyes and in rapid fire procession the words, "Shutup, shutup, shutup" come out and hit me. 'Player 2' is out of the loop, "What?"
I wasn't thinking and my first reaction would be to tell him but following Charmboy's cue, I have to save it. What the fuck do I say? How do I save it? Think quick!
"Dude... that is like, THE BEST ASS I'VE EVER SEEN!! Hell YEAH!"

Charmboy is quick to follow my cue, "Shut man! Wasn't I just about to say that?! Yeah!"
High fives all round.

Since Player 1 and 2 aren't acquainted with each other, we decide to keep it hush.

Sexy ladies out-gaming all these guys. Like Blackstreet say; play on playettes.

Some of my friends are PUA's

Some guys know all about women and how to pick up women. Some might call them pick up artists. They think I should be getting laid more than I am (which is true) but I just don't work around sociable hours. I start late and finish late. If I had it my way I would change that and work more regular hours leaving me time to hang out more in the early evening. So now with the free time that I have, I don't really feel I should be wasting it chasing a slew of average looking girls with dull personalities.

Often I try to talk to these guys about girls and they go off on a tangent lecturing me about 'how it is' neglecting the fact that they are basically repeating something they read in an ebook that was written by some middle aged American douche who would never have any concept of how differently Japanese women think while interacting with a foreign guy. They also forget the fact that I have read the same shit too, more than 5 years ago and have found out for myself that a lot of the ideas are just crap and simply don't work out on all girls.

I'm not sure where they found the authority to be acting like my teacher, but I believe it must be coming from a place of wanting to help me. I get irritated and pissed off because I feel I don't need it and I mostly feel like my intelligence is being insulted, mainly because I get spoken down to. I let them 'teach me'. I guess they enjoy it. However it's hard for me to take advice about women from guys who don't spend a fraction of the amount of time around them as I do and haven't outdone me with girls I consider hot, high value or of substance.

I wish these guys the best of luck on their quest and hope that they loosen up on their ideals that were given to them by 'experts' on women. Mainly I hope we can enjoy the different opinions we have that are based on our own experiences that we have lived out, first hand. Incorporating what we have read is OK too.

Really, I love women and I love talking about women and I love talking about the fun times and the difficult times I have with women with my PUA friends. They don't judge me poorly for wanting to spread my seed and most of our conversations are great. We should all just remember we aren't experts or amateurs, we are just guys that enjoy women as one of our top past times.

Long sex sessions

I'm standing at the station waiting for my date to arrive looking at all the cute girls walking by. Maybe I'm tense in anticipation. I notice cause I can't stand still. I wander around in circles. The girl I'm waiting for doesn't speak English so even though communicating with her is mostly OK, I get self conscious knowing that other people will be looking at us listening to what we are saying out of curiosity. I don't live in a metropolitan central of Japan so people rarely see foreigners and when they do they don't just look, they stare. Then grab the attention of the people they are with to point me out. It's hard to relax under the microscope, but I try.

The cute girls continue walking by, looking and giggling, sometimes waving and saying hello as is what often happens when I'm standing around by myself looking happy. Then the most gorgeous girl in the crowd with her height towering above them all walks up with a smile plastered on her face looks me directly in the eyes and grabs my arm and says,
"konnichiwa!"

She is my date, a nail artist and she is so freaking gorgeous, more than I remembered her to be from last time, I actually start laughing. She wants to know what's up but I just say, "何にも無い" (nothing) and we start walking back to my place.

We get there at about 2pm, spend about 10 minutes talking then have awesome sex until about 9.30pm. We stop to take a break and eat some cheesecake that she brought me, take a quick moment to go out and buy some nail supplies that she needs for a job and I also cook her some Indian curry for dinner. About 70%of our meeting time is spent naked or semi naked.

Great.

Her sex is so good. I wonder if the quickest route to a man's heart is through great sex?

The saga of 'Jugs'

If there were a male version of 'Sex and the City' it would nowhere be near able to represent the reality of what men talk about when women aren't around in regards to sex and relationships. It's just way too derogatory for TV and men don't necessarily want to hear it (on TV), and women certainly don't.
I met up with some of my guys last night and had good catch up session and more than a few times I wished there was a tape recorder getting the conversation down because some of the things were so hilarious and some were just nasty. Here I'm trying to represent a small portion of what we talked about.
*Nicknames are given to respect identity.

Mr.T: I can't believe *Jugs showed up on Saturday night and cried.
Funkcat: Yea that was a downer.
Me: What!? You mean that loser chick that I dated once cried at your party? WTF was she doing there anyway? I saw her and did my best to avoid her.
Mr.T: Yea man. She was crying because of you.
Me: WTF! I did nothing.
Funkcat: Well, I made her cry first, then Mr.T made her cry hard.
Charmboy: Yea, she sux.
Mr.T: Total energy suck. Such a drain. You called it from the start.
Me: Damn right I did. I can't believe you guys even hung out with her. What happened with the crying?

Mr.T: Well, she's been contacting us all the time through Keitai and Facebook asking about you, asking if you are still angry or whatever. She's trying to get in on us, inviting us out and then inviting herself to our shit. I don't know why she is doing it since she has no place with anyone but you, but we were replying to keep things smooth because of her cute friend. They were both there at the BBQ the other week and left before you came. Her friend is cute though, and it's between Charmboy and Funkcat to work that out but it looks like Jugs is just going to pussy block her friend and cockblock us.

Me: Whoa, shit's been going on. You guys gotta make claim with a Janken showdown!
Charmboy: She's all yours.
Funkcat: I'm over her.
Me: Yea, I saw Jugs at the party last Saturday, but I kinda came late and left early. I was with the nail artist and we had been fucking and wanted to leave to fuck more. I bumped into Jugs and she asked if I was angry at her. I was thinking, "Huh? Why do I even give a shit about you? You remind me of my boring ass lonely loser students. I forgot about you already because you flaked. I thought that's what you wanted." But I ended up just saying, "No. I'm not angry...."
I think her imagination is just trying to create some drama to liven up the void in her boringass life. She sux. She told me that she sent me a friend request on Facebook which I've been ignoring and I lied and was like, "Yea. I didn't notice." Then she was like all, "電話していいの？” (can I call you?). I was like, "Yea cool..... I gotta go." And went back to hanging with the nail artist.

Charmboy: Chick needs cock.
Me: She could get some cock easy if she weren't so princess about it. No one wants to deal.

Funkcat: I know that so I tried to hook her up. So, I guess a while after you left I was standing drunkass with my arm around 'Finicky' (male) and Jugs comes up and wants to get under my other arm. So I put my arm around her and say to Finicky in a low voice in English, all the while not expecting her to understand, "This chick here isn't the brightest spark, isn't the most fun girl, has a fair bit of baggage, but has great jugs. I think if you go for it, she will be down." I turn back and she's in tears. I turn back to Finicky and say, "Scrap that idea."

Me: BAAAHAAHAHAHAHA No you DIDN'T!! She DIDN'T!! What?! Hilarious.

Mr.T: Then she comes up to me later asking what the deal is with you leaving with the nail artist. She's like, "Who was that girl? Is it his girlfriend? Was it because of something I did? Something I said?" By this time I was done explaining on your behalf and I was done with her and her sad ass sneaking her losershit into our hangouts and uglying up our group pics with her douchface. I said, "Non of this has anything to do with you. Anything that Ransom does has absolutely NOTHING to do with you!" she said she got it, but I said, "No! You don't get it! Anything that anyone here is doing is not because of you and has nothing. to. do. with. you. at. all!"
She started crying.

Me: OMG! You assholes! Haha. Ouch.

Funkcat: You think she would have left and gone home after that. But she stayed and cried and tried to suck everyone into her depression. ALL NIGHT. kinda rude to think about it....
Me: No way! What!? Shutup! She stayed at the party crying? Get the fuck out!
Mr.T: I'm pretty sure we won't be seeing her anymore.
Charmboy: You never know though.
Funkcat: We should just be direct to her friend and say we wanna hang out with her. Only. Without 'Jugs'.
Charmboy: They got that whole co-worker senpai/kouhai shit going on. Jugs is the Senpai. The kouhai won't betray her work senpai. Forget about them. Anyway, changing topic, I set up a date with one of those chicks we met at........
*************************************

More Love Confessions

When one willing adult enters a relationship with another they both bring with them their baggage. This baggage can be anything from; the ideas they have about how relationships should begin, sore attitudes towards intimacy due to their emotional experiences from previous failed relationships, Being in a family tied up with the mob, having problems with arousal unless it involves pain due to the influence of having been physically abused as a child, etc.
It is for this reason that I prefer not to enter a relationship until I'm sure I want to deal with the baggage. I prefer to just have casual sex for a period of time before we state we are exclusive with each other or just break it off before feelings get involved.

Unfortunately for me, a lot of the traditional 'nice' Japanese girls (the good looking ones that never studied English in school or had no interest in foreign culture) won't go down the sex route until they have been given the love confession. I wrote about how much I hate it before, and I still hate it. But after having written it down and thought about it, I decided that I would give it a shot on the next girl who decides she is almost in love with me on our second date but didn't want to have sex without big commitment.

The nail artist was this girl.

Now when I say that I didn't want to deal with baggage, I say that in a fairly understanding tone. There is a lot that I am willing to deal with, and there is a lot about me that I hope the girl I dates exclusively will be able to deal with. The nail artist is a 26 year old and she dropped the news that she has a one year old child. She mentioned this on our first date. It doesn't bother me at all, in the fact that I still find her crazy hot and want to have sex with her. Actually, thinking about it I wish I was doing her right now, but as our first date went on, I saw her getting increasingly attracted and swept up in the emotion and when we were making out in a dimply lit street she stopped me, much like a lot of girls who want to hear a love confession, and said, "I can't be doing this, I'm going to fall for you."

I'm a strong believer in the old saying, 'actions speak louder than words'. So I let her comment slide and just started making out with her again. She stopped me and said, "That's it.... Ransomが好き." Which has the translation as 'I like you', but is a little vague and leads itself towards the 'I'm pretty close to being in love' tone on it. I thought, what the fuck, I'll say the same back to her. She was crazy happy.

She had to get back to her kid so there was no sex on the first date. But we made things more genuine by fucking almost as soon as we met the next time. Now she is in love and sees me as some fantasy guy that she mostly invented from her imagination and I'm starting to get worried.

Some quotes from her:

*Let's watch baseball together with my whole family and my son
*Tell me the things you like about me
*Only my looks?
*Looks are important. I only date good looking guys.
*Say I'm beautiful and it's only me
*I love you (Me: why aren't you looking at my eyes then?) Because I'm worried I'm going to get sucked into them.
*You are a playboy
*Don't kiss any other girls the way you kiss me
*You can pickup other girls, but you can't have sex with them
*I can't believe this, I never thought I would fall in love again
*Don't leave the country without telling me
*Don't cheat on me
*Are you good with kids?

I don't know if this is the standard type of things to talk about or say amongst two people who are still getting to know each other.

Maybe I'm just jaded. I have heard the 'I love you' line from enough girls to think that maybe it means nothing. When my ex said it to me it meant a lot though. We knew each other quite well at that stage. We had just finished a big sex session where she had truly enjoyed herself to multiple orgasms and she stood up kind of shaky and said, "好き。。。大好き." (I like you...I love you) then started crying.
Tears carry weight. I can believe that. How much can I believe a girl that I have known a short time and only a few sex sessions? Something tells me that she is simply projecting her ideals of what she wants onto me, hoping that I will be that person. She told me that she can't meet next weekend because she has to take care of her kid. I'm worried she thinks we are going to be lovers forever and she will try to introduce me to her kid soon.
I'm scared.
Scared of commitment and scared of my own nature.

For example; today a really hot student (hot chick interested in English-rare but existent) who asked me out last week came in again today. I never gave my contact details. She looked hot and smelled great. Her fragrance drew me in and I found myself leaning in closer and closer. There was one point when I was touching her hand with my own. Women often bump legs and touch me under the table, but this was a first for me. Just too hot. It's like putting a steak in front of a lion and saying, "Don't eat." There are some things you just can't control! Goddamn! Anyway, she asked for my phone mail address and I had to give it this time and she contacted me tonight looking for a meet up. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure she is married. She's from Kanto and has been sent to Kansai with work and doesn't have any friends or sex. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Too much adultery linked with work. Something's gotta give. Fuck her though. Asking out a guy at his workplace.....

Confidence. So sexy...

My kind of date

My kind of date follows a simple progression.
1. Meet girl at my doorstep or station near my apartment.
2. We are enthusiastic to see each other so we have sex ASAP
3. After sex we decide to go out and do something that usually involves food and chatting about nothing in particular.
4. (optional) Fun activity
5. More sex.

Today's date with the nail artist combined steps 3 & 4 which were eating cheese and crackers with herb bread and cured meats while drinking plum wine and chatting by the riverside watching the sakura in full bloom. I went against my whole diet/new lifestyle philosophy to eat dairy but it was totally worth it.

There was a really strange moment today that struck my mind. I was standing with my girl in my arms looking over the pond filled with various colored carp and the sakura blooming beyond it and I noticed that while I was speaking in Japanese, I had left the reality of living in a western country. I realized that I was in some different Asian reality and my brain was collecting the information in Japanese and I felt like I was in some strange dream where I wasn't foreign, but Japanese. It's hard to explain, but it was weird. I don't want to be Japanese at all, but at that moment I felt Japanese.

Cool Shit I've been doing lately

*The nail artist. Tall. Hot. Slim. Sexy cute. Long wavy hair down her back. Great sex. A little crazy. I'm all about it.
*Paleo diet; No carbs. Only vegetables, fruits, meats, fish. Thought I was gonna die in the first week- one month later and I've got more muscle mass, energy, vigor and lust for life than a born again christian on roids. I'm also getting pretty ripped under my ghetto T-shirt.
*Ghetto T-shirt collecting. I can get T-shirts for about 2000yen at various shops, the more ghetto the better.
*Ghetto hats and beanies. Spending more than 2000yen on head wear is bullshit when you can spend less and look ghetto fresh.
*Quality jeans. I want some more but I don't wanna pay.
*Thick rimmed fake specs. Geek is the new sleek.
*Korea- arrived there and ate spicy food. Regretted it the next day but had enough stamina to go to an indoor theme park all day and rock out all night with random cool cat Koreans, possibly thanks to the copious amounts of raw garlic the restaurant staff made me eat. "STAMINA! STAMINA! Good for STAMINA! She kept telling me as she piled a ton onto my bowl. Nuts.
*Drink sponging in Korea. I do this pretty often in Japan- talk to chicks and have them buy me drinks- glad to see it works in Korea too. I wouldn't have been that much of a sponge if I had more cash though.
In general, Korean chicks aren't as good looking as Japanese chicks- sorry Korea. The photo I put up here is an exception however.