More Love Confessions

When one willing adult enters a relationship with another they both bring with them their baggage. This baggage can be anything from; the ideas they have about how relationships should begin, sore attitudes towards intimacy due to their emotional experiences from previous failed relationships, Being in a family tied up with the mob, having problems with arousal unless it involves pain due to the influence of having been physically abused as a child, etc.
It is for this reason that I prefer not to enter a relationship until I'm sure I want to deal with the baggage. I prefer to just have casual sex for a period of time before we state we are exclusive with each other or just break it off before feelings get involved.

Unfortunately for me, a lot of the traditional 'nice' Japanese girls (the good looking ones that never studied English in school or had no interest in foreign culture) won't go down the sex route until they have been given the love confession. I wrote about how much I hate it before, and I still hate it. But after having written it down and thought about it, I decided that I would give it a shot on the next girl who decides she is almost in love with me on our second date but didn't want to have sex without big commitment.

The nail artist was this girl.

Now when I say that I didn't want to deal with baggage, I say that in a fairly understanding tone. There is a lot that I am willing to deal with, and there is a lot about me that I hope the girl I dates exclusively will be able to deal with. The nail artist is a 26 year old and she dropped the news that she has a one year old child. She mentioned this on our first date. It doesn't bother me at all, in the fact that I still find her crazy hot and want to have sex with her. Actually, thinking about it I wish I was doing her right now, but as our first date went on, I saw her getting increasingly attracted and swept up in the emotion and when we were making out in a dimply lit street she stopped me, much like a lot of girls who want to hear a love confession, and said, "I can't be doing this, I'm going to fall for you."

I'm a strong believer in the old saying, 'actions speak louder than words'. So I let her comment slide and just started making out with her again. She stopped me and said, "That's it.... Ransomが好き." Which has the translation as 'I like you', but is a little vague and leads itself towards the 'I'm pretty close to being in love' tone on it. I thought, what the fuck, I'll say the same back to her. She was crazy happy.

She had to get back to her kid so there was no sex on the first date. But we made things more genuine by fucking almost as soon as we met the next time. Now she is in love and sees me as some fantasy guy that she mostly invented from her imagination and I'm starting to get worried.

Some quotes from her:

*Let's watch baseball together with my whole family and my son
*Tell me the things you like about me
*Only my looks?
*Looks are important. I only date good looking guys.
*Say I'm beautiful and it's only me
*I love you (Me: why aren't you looking at my eyes then?) Because I'm worried I'm going to get sucked into them.
*You are a playboy
*Don't kiss any other girls the way you kiss me
*You can pickup other girls, but you can't have sex with them
*I can't believe this, I never thought I would fall in love again
*Don't leave the country without telling me
*Don't cheat on me
*Are you good with kids?

I don't know if this is the standard type of things to talk about or say amongst two people who are still getting to know each other.

Maybe I'm just jaded. I have heard the 'I love you' line from enough girls to think that maybe it means nothing. When my ex said it to me it meant a lot though. We knew each other quite well at that stage. We had just finished a big sex session where she had truly enjoyed herself to multiple orgasms and she stood up kind of shaky and said, "好き。。。大好き." (I like you...I love you) then started crying.
Tears carry weight. I can believe that. How much can I believe a girl that I have known a short time and only a few sex sessions? Something tells me that she is simply projecting her ideals of what she wants onto me, hoping that I will be that person. She told me that she can't meet next weekend because she has to take care of her kid. I'm worried she thinks we are going to be lovers forever and she will try to introduce me to her kid soon.
I'm scared.
Scared of commitment and scared of my own nature.

For example; today a really hot student (hot chick interested in English-rare but existent) who asked me out last week came in again today. I never gave my contact details. She looked hot and smelled great. Her fragrance drew me in and I found myself leaning in closer and closer. There was one point when I was touching her hand with my own. Women often bump legs and touch me under the table, but this was a first for me. Just too hot. It's like putting a steak in front of a lion and saying, "Don't eat." There are some things you just can't control! Goddamn! Anyway, she asked for my phone mail address and I had to give it this time and she contacted me tonight looking for a meet up. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure she is married. She's from Kanto and has been sent to Kansai with work and doesn't have any friends or sex. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Too much adultery linked with work. Something's gotta give. Fuck her though. Asking out a guy at his workplace.....

Confidence. So sexy...