As I use this blog I'm finding it interesting to not only voice my opinion uncensored without having to consider the listener, or in this case the reader, but to also look within myself and see some things I didn't know.
I was sitting in a park today, thinking about this blog and thinking about things in general. One of my influences I had as a teenager growing up was from a friend who I used to hunt for girls with. We were about 15 years old and we would go to the beach or the shops or wherever and just push each other into getting girls. It seemed so much easier and simple at that age. We were great friends and we played in a band together. During one argument we had around the age of 17-18, we had a falling out. I couldn't stand to be around his ego. He probably felt the same. I was never really able to hunt for girls with my other friends because they were too cool. They expected the girls to come to them, in a way this happened but it was too boring to stand around being cool instead of just letting it all hang out and just have a fun chat with chicks. I bumped into my enemy friend here and there at parties or at the beach and we had pretty surface cordial chats.
I can't remember how old he was when he first found out he had cancer, but I heard about it too along the grapevine. My mother also had cancer at a young age and was able to overcome it. I expected him to do the same so I wasn't concerned. He battled for over 2 years. I remember being at a party and a girl told me about his condition being in the worst state and that he probably wouldn't live too much longer. I was having such a good time at that party but when I heard that, I was shattered. I mean, I hated the guy, he was an asshole, but death- what is that about? We were only 21.....
I went to the hospital to visit him and I was really scared about going. I wasn't sure if he would be angry or if his family would be angry. I had no idea what to expect. His mother and girlfriend were there and they were happy to see me. They welcomed me in and there I saw him. A shrunken, pale, emaciated version of the guy I used to play music, surf and pick up chicks with. I could see through his oxygen mask that he was happy to see me. The years of tension between us faded into nothing and we talked like we used to. I was fighting back tears because I was just so saddened by the situation and I knew he didn't want me to come and be a crybaby. Somewhere during the conversation he told me that there was nothing left that the doctors could do for him. I was too far in denial to hear it. Then he told me, if he could walk, if he could just get out of the bed he would sit at the beach and just watch the waves. Then he would do it again the next day, and the day after that and the day after that. I can't imagine what it's like to know your own death is coming at such a young age, and accept it.
He died 2 days later.
This event changed me into a person that lived for the future to a person that lived for the moment. I really needed to live and see and experience as much as I could before something like this happened to me. I turned into 'the yes man' like that movie and agreed to every proposal that came my way. I quit my life and went traveling. I have been living for the moment for the past 4 years and now I'm finally thinking about the future.
The problems I think most people have with their own lives is that they either live for the moment or for the future. Both are fundamentally flawed.
Focusing on the future doesn't allow us to enjoy the moment.
Men in general are more outcome focused. We look for the answer, the result, the 'point'. When we talk to women we tend to look for the point or the result of what they re saying. If we are attempting a pickup, we have the end result of that in mind and it makes the interaction become less natural and the atmosphere doesn't flow like it does at other times. Women don't speak to solely exchange information. Although that is what essentially happens, it's the enjoyment of exchanging the information. For us men to enjoy the moment and enjoy the interaction and empathize and hear what the girl is saying is to really communicate. Approaching it like a car engine solely with the result in mind (fix) will make for some shitty interaction that you both don't like. Then when you progress things you think about getting towards sex and don't enjoy the kiss. When you get to penetration you think about climax and don't enjoy the sex. Then you cum too soon and feel unsatisfied and she is most likely unsatisfied too.
Women often too, themselves look to the future too much to truly enjoy the moment. The most obvious examples I see with this is amongst single women who don't want to fuck because they need to be sure the guy loves them or is their boyfriend. The thought of marriage weighs heavily on girls also. Thinking that marriage will bring a life of bliss and then waiting for outside influences to create your happiness is too unstable. Then when marriage comes, but bliss doesn't it is a let down that some women blame on their husbands and complain to me about.
Anyway, it's getting late. I need to finish this up. Forgetting about the future and looking only at the moment I've found I've had the most fun times in my life, but they are misguided and vague. Having goals and a destination in mind is best but life is not about the destination but the journey to get to that goal. In other words, plan for the future and live for the moment.
Breathe your fears in as you step toward your goal, exhale all expectation of success in reaching it. Enjoy the feeling of being alive as you push toward your dreams.
Enjoy the journey.
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