Group dates

A very common way for boys and girls to meet in Japan is to go on a group date. They call this 合コン (gokon) or コンパ (konpa). One boy will invite a few of his friends to a date with a girl who also brings her friends. The number of men should always be equal to the number of girls. They get together and have dinner with drinks. Everyone gets to know each other and has a fun time. This is the best way to find a respectable partner of the opposite sex in Japan.

My last Japanese tutor was an old widower who told me that she met her husband at konpa. "The konpa is a very good thing. Very very good. Its the best way to meet a respectable man with a stable job." She had lived her life as a housewife. She joined a company after graduation, not necessarily to work, but to find a husband so she could quit the workforce and use his economic ability as her livelihood. Which she did until his death.

I have only bad feelings towards konpas. Basically, I hate them like poison. In fact, there wasn't a lot I agreed with when speaking to that lady and most of the time I just laughed in disbelief at many of her traditional Japanese ideals.

When I was first learning Japanese I was stuck in an industrial town that was void of life. I went to the local community office because I heard there were volunteer teachers that could teach me Japanese for free. I was paired up with a plain looking women in her 30s who sometimes had outbursts of acne on her face. Noriko sensei was shy as she was simple and we nervously got to know each other and had coffee whilst learning language.

The following week she didn't want to go to a coffee shop, but another place not too far off. We went there too. The week after that she knew about a restaurant somewhere else, so she took me in her car. Each week we went to different places and she drove me around. Noriko sensei really pissed me off because an hour "lesson" would wipe out my whole night. But I knew I had to learn Japanese and I justified the dates with this teacher, as they had become, as cultural learning. Plus I was seeing more places and things that genuinely interested me. It was a little adventure.

Eventually one night we were at the seaside under a moonlit sky and she asked me if I had ever dated an older women. I was 23/24 or so at the time. I replied to Noriko sensei earnestly and told her that my current girlfriend was older than me.

Huge awkward silence followed.

Then eventually,

"You have a girlfriend?"
"Yeah. She works in a bar and talks to men for money."
"Oh, I see."

I think she was going to ask me for a kiss or something. I wasn't down with that. The drive back was pretty silent and uncomfortable. She made some cutting remarks at my GFs job but I was chill about it.

I eventually broke up with my gf cause she was a bit too crazy for me to deal with but I was still taking lessons with this woman. Then one night as I was sitting in my apartment doing nothing, I get a call from *skeezy J with an offer to attend what would be my first konpa experience. This guy was a skeeze, I disliked his voice, his demeanor and I avoided him as much as possible.

"How did you get my number?"
"Never mind that, we have a konpa starting in 20 minutes and one of the guys can't make it. How soon can you get here?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Look, I'd get a J-guy, but this is supposed to be a gaijin konpa and we need you to make the number complete."

I thought about it and I knew that this guy was skeeze town. Everything was slimy about him, even his skin. Especially his skin! He was greasy and I'm pretty sure that before Japan he had a job in the cinema buttering popcorn with his face.

But like most things in life that I haven't experienced, I wanted to try the konpa thing at least once. So I said yes, got on my bicycle and met the group at the spot. I greeted the guys and we went over to meet the girls, and from the darkness appeared 3 ladies, and one silhouetted figure. A tingling sense of familiarity came across me and I stood in disbelief as I saw her....

"NORIKO SENSEI!!!...........

.......What are you doing here?"
"Wow... I didn't expect you to be here..."
"WTF...."

silence.

The Japanese tutor that was clearly interested in me at one point was now here at a group date. My chance to do the Japanese thing of finding a suitable partner is going to be foiled by this acne lady and that greaseball skeezy J.

At that moment of awkward realization I knew that there was only one option for me-

Get trashed!

And I did.

Skeezy J was being an LBH dickwad. He went out of his way to talk me down to the girls. I was stuck sitting in front of my fricken tutor- Noriko sensei, and the other guys were equally as chumpass as their leader skeezy J.

From that day forth I vowed to never again go to a konpa.

Every now and then I pick up girls and they say to me over text, "lets meet again, but can I bring some friends?"

No thanks baby. No konpa for me. Its the lamest thing ever. The idea was lame when I first heard of it, and it is still lame now. If you want to partake in some lame-a-thon, instead of a real date, then by all means go ahead and do it. But you can do it minus me. Thanks and goodnight.