Freak out

I got back from Tokyo last night and met my GF. She was more eager to see me than ever before (why? I was only gone 6 days). We spent a great time having sex, then she went home. Today we had plans to meet and do sale shopping at 12pm. I got a really cute message from her around 11.30am with a lot of cute decomail icons on it. But there was some other dude's name on it. A guy called Kai. WHO THE FUCK IS KAI?!

This is where not being me becomes hard to understand, but being me is very easy to understand. I think I lose readers in the process.

I just looked at the mail. Not angry, but surprised. We have a rule; one night stands are OK, but anything else is a 'no no'. Seeing her put all this effort into a mail to appeal to some other dude made me really disappointed. I don't care about the other dude, I care about her putting in all that effort to look cute to another dude when she doesn't usually do it for me. Ideally, she should reluctantly hook up with another dude, then think, "Shit this guy doesn't match me as well as my BF." Not be spending her free time try to line up some guy!

I got up and just left my house and went walking in no particular direction, listening to some Indian mandala chanting music on my ipod. I started thinking about the future and how things will be different not having a GF. Being free and available to do whatever, anytime. Not having to write phone messages all the time would be nice. But not having someone to talk to and feel comfortable with, someone who understands me well and accepts my quirky nature could be hard to deal.

My head was spiraling for about 3 hours while my GF was calling me non-stop, with me ignoring all calls. Eventually I sent a message telling her that she fucked up with the mail, and I wasn't Kai. She replied that she was at my apartment banging on the door, and if I didn't open the door or pick up the phone, she was gonna go home. I told her I wasn't home anyway and she should fuck off already. She couldn't get it. Then she sent another message saying that the deco mail character she put in the original mail was カイ君 (Kai) from the softbank commercials. That's why she wrote his name in there. She was just trying to be sweet and cute.

I fucked up so hard. On many levels. Seriously. I met her and she was nearly in tears, really angry and just started hitting me, but I held her tight until we both calmed down, in the middle of a busy street while a small crowd gathered.....

We are all good now.