Gaining points

I was stepping out of the shower and she was watching me dry off, too hungover to do much. Called by her the night before saying that she was too drunk to go home and asking to stay over, we stumbled our way home when she pulled an empty bottle of gin from her purse. She had covertly brought it in to Karaoke with her and polished it off with one friend. Today she was feeling the punishment of excess alcohol consumption and its effects on a body equipped with only one liver and two kidneys.

As she sat on my futon with her legs folded under her in a kneeling position, the morning light shining in on her through the window, I couldn't help admire her cute face and porcelain-like white, smooth skin through the rough messed hair and reckless youth she was embodying. I had noticed before, of course, but I didn't really appreciate it.

Then I started to wonder why I'm so selfish in not returning the feelings that I'm sure this girl has for me? I wondered, "Why don't I really care so much about this girl? She is really cute and cool. She is down to earth and is mostly easy to get along with..Sex is great..."

Then I realized that she had lost points in some ways, and hadn't gained points in others.

This might sound shallow, but I don't think it is. I'm just bringing up things that happen to me subconsciously and focusing on them until they become conscious.

Losing points

-She went to an international party and some foreign guys hit on her. She gave them her number and when they messaged she showed me. By being picked up by other guys, I think she was trying to make me jealous and become protective, but instead it just made me think that she was being manipulative, petty and weak. That's not something a confident person would do.

-She died her hair black for the sake of job hunting. Not necessarily a bad thing since she should get a job, but her hair used to be blonde. Blonde is hot.

-Her ambition in life is to be a housewife. I'm still really stuck on this issue. I just think that people with goals and ambitions in life are cool. I look at my brother and his wife and they are both model quality good looking people, super intelligent and have started their own businesses. I think the way they talk to each other and inspire each other is so amazing. Now they have a massive house and go traveling all the time. I envy them.

Gaining points

I was talking to a girl the other day. Just a standard overworked office lady. Her demeanor was shy, low on confidence and generally nervous whilst interacting with me. Her body was slim and she was of moderate to above average height. Nice smile. To a lot of guys she would be good looking. Guys would even see the shyness as cute and endearing. They would find the gentleness and uncertainty of her actions as a chance to help and become meaningful. On the other hand, I see her as oversensitive and prone to be offended at my nonchalant attitude to life. Her lack of confidence just pisses me off. I can't speak to girls normally if they are sweating when we talk.

However, she pulled an ace out of her sleeve and gained mad points. It was almost an instaboner reaction to what she said when asking about her music interests.

"What kinda music do you like?"
"Rock."
"Really? Me too. What bands? Do you like Bz? Many Japanese people like Bz."
"No. I don't like Japanese rock music. I like foreign. I like heavy rock...... I like KORN."
"What? No way!"
"And Slipknot."

My whole impression of her went from loser OL that shared resemblance to every other OL I had met, to a new person. An interesting person with interesting tastes. Individuality. Someone slightly odd and slightly different. Someone who I could talk to and share music recommendations with. Someone I could possibly go to live shows with. Someone who might be down for doing something radical and different. Someone who I could fuck whilst listening to hard rock.

I lack this 'shared interests' category with basically all Jgirls. I think my world is too far from theirs. Either that, or theirs is too small.

But I think that girls instantly become more attractive to me by doing/being the following.

-Tanning their skin
-Wearing fake lashes, fake nails, revealing clothing, high heels, knee high stockings, bangles, bracelets, necklaces, color contacts.
-Dieting
-Coloring their hair
-Curling their hair
-Being tall (kinda out of their control though)
-Doing something, having some kind of hobby or interest aside from sleeping/ watching TV and eating cake.
-Having some ambition/goal in life. In some way doing something non-passive.