Net chick date Fail

I have a lot of failed attempts at romance. I never write about them. They suck. This one happened last night.

-Intercept from a net chat with a friend- please excuse the incoherence. You get the drift anyway, right?

Would you hit the chick in the photo I sent you? She looks OK there. But whats really going on? Chicks take a billion pics and choose the best one to show everyone.

If I said her name were Keiko, would that change anything?

I know I'm building up to something with no amazing climax here. But I got her from mixi, I thought yeah. But keiko? I've never met anyone under the age of 40 called keiko. Hmmm... whatevs. Get there tonight and she shes like half the size of me with heels and the angle on the photo doesn't show the weird man-jaw she was rocking along with strangely scarred skin. Her being at least in her mid 30's- no breast to speak of, obasan fashion, small voice and meek demeanor made me ready to feign sudden illness. Being a pussy I went along with it- begrudgingly. I didnt let it show obviously though and immediately put myself into 'reversal milker mode'- you know when dumb chicks talk your ear off about whatever with no interest in you whatsoever, but they just enjoy talking about themselves and their ideas, blissfully ignorant that guys don't give a shit- yeah, I did that. In Japanese. It was fun and put me in a great mood. I directed her to the nearest and cheapest and loudest izakaya and instead of walking next to me, she walked behind me. I was like, what the hell you doing back there? She was all bowing and apologizing. I told her to keep pace and she claimed that my legs were long. I wasn't walking fast at all.

Got there and I couldn't hear a word she said since the place was so loud. I had to ask her repeatedly to speak louder. She was just making the usual, sugoi you can use chopstiks type remark that I failed to aknowledge at all. For some reason she gave me hand baked cookies that she made. Cool. I guess its an offering of friendship. Friendship with foreigners. Nice. During dinner, which she didn't touch at all, I was really being put off my food by the strong fart odor that surrounded us. She claimed to not be hungry and sat and drank ocha while I chugged beer, ate fried food and talk boisterously with my one sided opinions. After she had taken off to the toilet the recurring fart smells stopped coming but she did try to wedge English into the conversation which I had no interest in entertaining for the least amount of time.

In passing I explained that I usually work nights but had taken the night off because I wanted to get some study done but this seemed more fun anyway so I didn't feel bad about skipping the study. She somehow took offense and said, 'well if I'm in your way just go.' I felt bad and I begged for her forgiveness........
Just kidding! I ignored that and just kept talking until I decided that despite her having a high proficiency in English, she wasn't able to do any practice with me. I was wasting her time when she had gone the trouble to bake cookies and all. This gassy obasan date needed to come to a close. I walked her to the station and wished her the best.

-fin-