I live in almost perfect serenity on a day to day basis. I spend a lot of my free time alone and I spend a lot of time in spiritual contemplation. Generally, I like my job most of the time and I love my friends yet when I'm without them I feel free and relaxed in my own presence. I went for a walk at midnight for a few hours the other night because I wanted to clear my head and get some exercise. I couldn't do this in my hometown from fear of getting mugged.
Here I can talk to people about seemingly normal things and feel myself getting excited because I'm doing it in a foreign language. I can watch TV dramas and actually enjoy watching them because I feel like I'm learning and studying rather than wasting my time. I can sit alone in a cafe for hours with a coffee just being totally still waiting for my brain to switch on so I can do some study, or just be content in the emptiness, sitting and watching the people walk on by.
I think it was Lennon who said that in the end, the love you get is equal to the love you give.
I'm pretty happy most of the time giving a smile to the world and watching it smile me back. Sometimes something a little weird happens where I just realize how happy I am and the joy wells up in my body and I start feeling warmth from inside and something crazy happens where tears well up in my eyes and I have to hold myself back from laughing out loud really suddenly like a madman in a suit on his way to work. So I just walk on with a smile.
Sometimes I just burst into song and start singing with no warning. I love it when I can get other people to join in with me. I love it so much when it's a beautiful girl. I love getting silly with a girl and having her be all moody and crappy and then I'll pick her up and run down the street with her on my shoulder. I love that.
Sometimes I get moody, shitty and pissed off, and I want to bring the whole world down. I guess I probably have higher dips and peaks than most people but it's not like I can't get over it soon enough.
Sometimes I do and say generous things and people get uncomfortable and worry about an ulterior motive but in general I believe that while I offer love out into the world, I have to as course of the process, feel that love. So in the end I am feeling the love that I give and that is why the love I give, is equal to the love I get.
Women are the only complication I have in my life.
Would you be feeling this love if you didn't have women to have sex with? Or are you feeling 'serene' because you got a bunch of women to validate you and to assure you that you are some kind of love/pleasure dispenser?
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment Old soul. It always surprises me when people out there actually read my ramblings.
ReplyDeleteBut I think you know the answer to this question.
would I feel this good without the women?
Simply,Yes! In fact, I would probably feel a whole ton better!!
I deleted my previous posts but in there I detailed the relationship I had with my ex-girlfriend and how I found that to be the most satisfying relationship I've had, just one girl. Great!
When I think about my situation now I get stressed out. I will be the first to admit that I don't live my life to the morals of the majority, morals given to us by other people who I have no reason to follow and although my way of living right now can cause hurt to others, ultimately I would like to find some kind of peaceful balance.
The happiness I'm talking about above doesn't come from sex- if this blogs focus is to be only about sex, then the above post is way off topic. What I am talking about is looking inside myself, finding the things I appreciate in my life and focusing on those. Then focusing on that happiness. From there I feel great. If I am fortunate enough to get my mind to completely stop then I can enter Zen and that's when I feel love.
I don't think this has any relation to me being very curious about the mechanics of sex, and wanting to explore that with women.
"I deleted my previous posts but in there I detailed the relationship I had with my ex-girlfriend and how I found that to be the most satisfying relationship I've had, just one girl."
ReplyDeleteDidn't you say you wanted a bi-sexual girl so that you can have threesomes and even get your girl to wing you and pick up other chicks?
"The happiness I'm talking about above doesn't come from sex- if this blogs focus is to be only about sex, then the above post is way off topic. What I am talking about is looking inside myself, finding the things I appreciate in my life and focusing on those. Then focusing on that happiness. From there I feel great. If I am fortunate enough to get my mind to completely stop then I can enter Zen and that's when I feel love."
What is this love you are talking about?
What is this happiness you're talking about? How do you 'look inside' yourself and find happiness from that? How does thinking about the things you have in life translate into happiness? If you were not getting laid, were not celibate, were not doing the things you enjoyed (like giving good sex and getting good sex) would you still be in 'perfect serenity'?
What can I say Old soul? You are one in a million! Or should I say, one in 44?
ReplyDeleteAs I sit in my apartment sipping on a soda water, relaxing after a long day working, reading your question ladder at the end, I can only think of one other person in Japan who would have Bandler's work so ingrained in their system that it comes across with such... poise. I love it.
Although I'm not quite sure why you are here or what you are aiming for. Just keeping me on my toes?
Anyway, to indulge you, and the readers who hopefully don't have any idea what I am on about, the answers categorically;
"Didn't you say you wanted a bi-sexual girl so that you can have threesomes and even get your girl to wing you and pick up other chicks?"
It's on the cards, and the cards are in my hand. I am making my play.
"What is this love you are talking about?"
-Spiritual mumbo jumbo- hippy crap. Not related to women.
"What is this happiness you're talking about?"
-Freedom from resistance.
"How do you 'look inside' yourself and find happiness from that?"
-Stop thinking. Let everything go. Feel the moment.
"How does thinking about the things you have in life translate into happiness?"
-Gratitude makes me happy.
"If you were not getting laid, were not celibate, were not doing the things you enjoyed (like giving good sex and getting good sex) would you still be in 'perfect serenity'?"
-This is a great question! Worthy of consideration and a lengthy reply. But I'm sleepy so my initial reaction would be to say that serenity comes from my state of mind. Perhaps its a reaction to all the badass sex I have. I hope to think that it's cause I have come to peace with the world.